Great Expectations in Dating and Relationships - Do We Expect Too Much of Others?

I have read a lot about expectations in dating and relationships. Some have even stated that 'burn out' in dating may be caused by having 'unrealistic expectations'. That is certainly worth considering.

For me, any time I have felt 'dating burn out' it has been due to frustration over running into the same stereotypical men time and time again. Is this a matter of the odds being against me, or of me placing unfair expectations upon the men I date?

Expectations of Others

After a great deal of contemplation, I have come to the conclusion that I personally do have expectations in dating, and they are:

1-the person I am dating be who they have presented themselves to be
2-the person I am dating follow through on their commitments and promises to me and to others

Other than that, I don't have any, because frankly, I won't consider dating anyone who doesn't meet certain criteria such as being courteous, having similar beliefs as I do, etc.

I accept others as they are, and start off by believing not only that they are who they have presented themselves to be, but also that they are being honest with me. 'Innocent Unless Proven Guilty' and all that jazz.

Anything else I am seeking in a relationship is not an 'expectation' I put on them, but an attribute I try to discern in the screening and dating processes, which will determine if I date or continue to date them.

I think too often we can fall into the trap of expecting all the people we date to be a certain way, and become frustrated when they are not. It is as if we are trying to mold them into being our 'perfect match' rather than just trying to discern if they are our match to begin with, and moving on if they are not.

Being Alone vs Being With a Mismatch

Being alone isn't always easy, but from experience I can honestly say it beats the alternative, which is to be with someone who is a total mismatch for you. I think society in general, peers, family, and even religion can put far too much pressure upon singles to just hurry up and get married, without considering the consequences of an ill-conceived and rushed union.

Far better to get yourself and your life in order, and then carefully and prayerfully screen potential mates. Far better to go into a union with your head on straight and a clear idea of who you are, what you have to offer another person, and just what it is you truly need in a mate and a relationship. Far better to be smart about it, rather than impulsive and rash.

What would the divorce rate be if all took a more common-sense approach to dating? What would the divorce rate be if all took the time to get their ducks in a row, so to speak, before trying to incorporate the flock of another person's ducks into their pond?

The less expectations we have of others, and the more acceptance we can find for who they are, the better off we will be. The more careful we can be in selecting someone who meets our criteria as closely as possible, rather than trying to force someone into that mold, the better off we will be.

Personal Checks-and-Balances

Even now, I continually have to use a personal system of checks-and-balances to be sure I am not placing unfair expectations upon my intended. He is who he is and I love him. No better match could exist for me in all of creation, and yet, we are not carbon copies of one another. We do have differences; and in working them out it is sometimes a struggle to not place expectations upon each other, but just accept our differences and work with them to the best of our ability to do so. Sometimes that means compromise: more often than not it means sacrifice.

Having our heads on straight before we began this relationship has helped us to do things better this time around than the first. We have both been married and divorced. The odds are not in our favor, and yet, already we find in one another the relationship we hoped for with our former spouses but never had. Already we find in one another a relationship with strength and incredible potential. It is up to us to keep it that way, and a great way to do that is to keep unfair expectations in check.