Great Food Truck Race: Episode 3 Recap

If you're reading this recap because you were busy watching the Emmys last night instead of the Great Food Truck Race, congratulations, viewers, you may have made the right choice. Fellow foodies, you know I love Tyler Florence's Blues Brothers-esque sunglasses as much as anyone, but last night's episode was a pretty ho-hum, especially when compared to the razzle-dazzle screens and the Conan-inspired drama of the Emmys. Nevertheless, darling foodies, I sacrificed cringing at Jimmy Fallon's tired guitar comedy to bring you THIS WEEK'S RECAP!

As always, below this text line contains spoilers. If you don't want to know who was eliminated, reading the below text is about as risky as buying freshly butchered beef cooked on a sandwich press (I feel for ya, Austin Daily).

Our five remaining food truck heroes headed down to Fort Worth, Texas, where TyFlo reminded the teams they were "now in cowboy country" and flashed a shiny belt buckle to prove it. Apparently the buckle serves not only as cowboy bling, but also an extra $1000 dollars in the till of the team who wins Tyler's mystery Truck Stop Challenge.

In Fort Worth, NomNom again did their research, worked out a partnership with a like-minded business, and beat the chef-pants off of everyone. As soon as NomNom gleefully exclaimed that their grocery store venue was promoting NomNom to their "19,000 Facebook fans," I knew it was all over for the other teams, especially when Grill 'Em All's main location strategy seemed to be "Park in front of a tattoo parlor and wait for the masses to arrive." As Grill 'Em All's team leader eloquently told us: "I hate focusing my time on where we're gonna be and researching and stuff. I don't give a f*** anymore. I just want to cook for people!" Well, Grill 'Em All, that "researching and stuff" is exactly how NomNom is killing you in this competition.

Crepes Bonaparte had a similar strategy as Grill 'Em All, but at least their random street parking was a little more visible than Grill 'Em All's sketchy back alley of choice.

Austin Daily Press showed surprisingly smart strategy by choosing a Little League Tournament to peddle their sandwiches. Fact: Little League Tournaments are a swarm of hungry, whining children. Fact: The hungry swarm's parents are a captive audience who want cheap food fast. Fact: Austin Daily Press sells glorified grilled cheese sandwiches and fact: Kids love grilled cheese. It was a win for everyone. In a charitable twist with potentially questionable motives, Austin Daily decided to donate 15% of their profits to the Little League. After all, Texas Is Our Home State, they reminded us. Every ten minutes. Really, Austin Daily Press? Because the whole "Austin" thing in your name doesn't clue us in?

Meanwhile, back in Escargot Lollipopland, Spencer's on the Go was using their French (Mafia) restaurant connections to get remarkable deals on wholesale frog legs and puff pastry. "The entire thing cost us $49.65!" Spencer's team leader said gleefully. I've gotta hand it to Spencer's for their impressive showing, coming in just behind NomNom for second place, all while serving gourmet French food in a potentially hostile environment. "We don't have a lot of snails in Texas," one Texan told the camera while brandishing an Escargot Lollipop, "so I'm gonna treat this like a shot of tequila and just do it." He chews, mulls it over, and announces, " I like it!" Tons of Texans seemed to follow his tequila-snail analogy, as Spencer's line reached NomNom proportions throughout the weekend.

While Spencer's on the Go was converting cowboys into connoisseurs, Crepes Bonaparte was busy terrifying customers. Viewers watched in horror as the crepe cook messed up a crepe and threw it away. Then another crepe. Then another. Obscenities were hurled. Token Female Crepe Girl smiled nervously. Through it all, the camera showed crepe customers shifting uncomfortably. Or maybe they were just passively waiting for their crepes. The footage was incredibly random and potentially recycled, but it was clear the producers wanted you to believe they were uncomfortable to the point of leaving.

Finally it was time for TYLER'S ULTIMATE TRUCK STOP CHALLENGE with guest judge Tim Love from the awesomely named Lonesome Dove. Last week: chiles. This week: beef. The contestants had to invent a new dish using Texas beef "from scratch."

Apparently, "from scratch" means the trucks would all have a hunk of cow delivered to them and the contestants must use their "chef skills" to butcher, cook, and serve the cow. Silly Tyler, these aren't chefs! These are business school grads in industrial clown cars! Everyone bit their lip nervously except for Laurent from Spencer's on the Go, who confessed his profound love of butchery to the camera and eagerly began hacking. Still, when Tim Love came a-knocking, he wasn't impressed with their fancified strip steak. "It's chewy," he complained.

Austin Daily Press had no butchering experience and no real means of cooking the beef-let's face it, all they've got are sandwich presses. "Cut it real thin," Amy proposes. In a sketchily explained segment, Austin Daily somehow finds an old man (Off the street? From a butcher shop? From a homeless shelter?) who "seems to think that he can slice this thing right up for us." WHERE ARE YOU FINDING YOUR MEAT GURUS AND WHAT ARE YOU BRIBING HIM WITH, AUSTIN DAILY PRESS? I have visions of this elderly man butchering in exchange for a sackful of grilled cheese sandwiches. However, Tim Love found the meat tough. Sorry, Austin Daily.

In one of my favorite moments of the season so far, the NomNom girls stared in horror at the huge hunk of meat. They speed-dialed their newfound friend Buddy the Butcher. Enjoy the following cell phone exchange. Lord knows I did.

Misa:"We got the-what is it exactly?"
Jenn: "It's like a leg of cow."
Misa: It's just frozen, normal cow leg." (Later) "It's like, we have 100 pounds of cow in a bucket, and we need help."

So Buddy the Butcher wheels away said 100 pounds of bucket-cow and magically transforms it into saran-wrapped-and-styrofoamed workable meat. I'm not sure if this was so much "chef skills" as "phone a friend" skills, but I've gotta hand it to NomNom for thinking on their feet and not taking the easy "We don't need a belt buckle" route like last week. Chef Tim Love, professed beef lover, wanted more beef than veggies. "I don't feel like the beef really shines."

The shiniest beef entrees of all came from Crepes Bonaparte and Grill 'Em All, but it was Grill 'Em All who wound up with the celebratory belt buckle and additional $1000. The victory was a bona fide miracle for the burger truck, whose poor showing made them the worst-performing team by a long shot, with just over $700 in their till before their bonus (with every other team clearing a thousand). Even with their reward money, the team still only came in third behind NomNom and Spencer's.

Between Austin Daily Press (who fretted their charitable donation would send them home) and Crepes Bonaparte (who confessed they were banking on Grill 'Em All doing much worse than they did), it was Crepes Bonaparte who had the worst showing and they were sent packing.

The NomNom girls showed another surprise flash of cockiness behind their oh-so-cute exterior, complaining that they just didn't see any "real competition" to be worried about. Still, the NomNom team may be right: where IS their competition? With three victories in a row, are they just a shoo-in for the Food Truck Race crown?

What do you think, fellow foodies? Should Grill 'Em All have gone home because of their poor showing pre-victory? Are you die-hard Nomsters or do they drive you crazy? Would you eat a Escargot Lollipop? Did you buy Austin Daily Press's charitable motives?

And who on earth told the crepe people their uniforms were a good idea???

Leave your thoughts in the comments!