Great Opening Lines for Conversation

One of the silliest expectations that people have of writers is that we should be good at conversation by virtue of the fact that we can turn a phrase on paper. What they fail to remember when dropping these pearls of wisdom is that we are best friends with the Delete key on our keyboards. They just don't know how frightening our rough drafts can be. However, they do have a point - we should be good at conversation. We should make an effort. After all, conversation brings joy to millions of people each and every day. It makes others break out in cold sweats, but we won't think about them right now. Right now we'll just sit back and take a look at one of the silliest things - besides the lack of a Conversational Delete Key - that keeps some writers from taking the plunge and speaking with people at parties.

We don't like cliches.

It sounds ridiculous, and believe me, it is, but that is one of the biggest things that keeps our quieter brethren from quitting their jobs as Chief Wall-Props. From the time many of us learned that we could make our teachers call us "delightful" simply by constructing an interesting sentence in our homework, we were indoctrinated with a list of writerly commandments, not the least of which is, "Thou shalt not suffer a cliché to live." We certainly don't want to be caught in public uttering one of our own free will.

This is something that we have to get over. Seriously, guys. Cliches in conversation are actually a good thing. They're like familiar faces seen unexpectedly. No matter how people ooh and aah over what you are able to do on paper, if you do the same thing in conversation, you run the risk of alienating people. You don't want to seem too special when someone first meets you. You don't want to lob fascinating lines at people that cause them to think. Let them think in the privacy of their homes under cover of darkness while they're reading something provocative you've written, something they don't want their friends to know about. The way you make someone think you're clever in conversation is by putting them at ease, and the way you put them at ease is to say things that are familiar. Things they have heard ten thousand times before. Cliches.

Cliches are safe. Although we may not want to be safe in our writing, we do want to be safe while conversing with strangers. Therefore, it is perfectly acceptable - even advisable - to say things like, "How's life treating you?"

The person you've just said it to isn't going to think, "What is this unoriginal moron talking to me for? He needs to get some new material."

Not at all. He's going to think, "Oh, this person thinks I'm interesting enough to talk to - cool! Now, what did he just ask me? Oh, right! How's life treating me. Let's see if I can come up with something good. After all, he is a writer and doesn't like cliches."

Most likely, what they'll actually come up with is, "Fine," or, "Pretty good." There are, of course, better opening lines, ones which lead the other person a little bit, like, "What do you think of the music they're playing tonight?" But it will have done the job of an opening line, and started a conversation.

See how easy it is? In fact, you may decide that using words in this way is so much easier and rewarding, that you wind up giving up writing altogether.

Another good one is, "Isn't this food delicious?" It's better than the first line, of course, because it is more specific, and calls to mind the thing that you and the other person have in common - the fact that you are both at this particular event enjoying a meal or a snack. It's a small thing, but it's very, very relevant. Declaring the food delicious also starts you out on a positive note with your new acquaintance. And food is something you can build a whole conversation around. For instance, you could discover that both of you are vegetarians, which is one of those "instant bonding" revelations. Or you could discover that you both love to cook, or have a love of deserts or are both wine connoisseurs.

See how easy this is? Cliché in writing bad; cliché in conversation good.

If you feel your conversation skills are a bit rusty or nonexistent, use social events to shine them up a bit. When you are better and more confident - which won't take long, believe me - you will begin to choose your lines based on what you hope to get out of an encounter. If you want to simply pass a few minutes with an amiable-looking stranger to have something to do, it really doesn't matter much what you talk about. But if you are seeking to establish a true rapport with someone, then you should determine what the two of you have in common, besides the event itself. For instance, you may ask, "How do you know the host?" If you are the host's old high-school buddy and your companion is a cousin of the host, you may actually discover you've met sometime in the distant past. Or if you and your new acquaintance are both clients of the host, then you have a ready-made platform on which to develop what could become a genuinely interesting conversation. And all based on what, to a writer, may sound like a silly, silly opener.

Lines are used because they work.

Here are some more good conversation openers:

"How was YOUR day today?"

"I absolutely love those shoes. Can I ask where you got them?"

"Do you come to these things often?"

Don't worry if it feels awkward at first. Everyone is awkward sometimes, believe it or not, even the ones who don't look as though they've ever been uncomfortable a day in their lives. The next time you're scheduled to attend an event, jot down a few opening lines and commit them to memory. Not many, just a few. Make it easy on yourself. Try them out and see how they work. And if you think of better ones while you're there, don't be afraid to use them. You may find you have a knack for conversation that you weren't previously aware of.