Green Police

While the fate of the nation hangs over default and debt, my closet contents hang in the balance at home.

Storehouse
In a fit of obsession akin to Cold War bomb-shelter buyers, I cornered the market on incandescent light bulbs. My newfound supply will last my lifetime and well into the next. Yet, I am one among many hoarding the precious, soon-to-be-extinct commodity. Not alone, others are emptying store shelves just like me.

But now I have to figure out where to hide them. Good chances exist that the Green Police will knock down my formaldehye-free front entrance, seeking to confiscate them right along with my 630 bhp automobile and CO₂ meter. To ensure my 4^th Amendment property rights, I'm couching a copy of the Constitution at my front door.

In light of self defense
If that doesn't help, I'll have my Winchester Defender at the ready. Getting my first one took exactly one minute. That was several years ago. Buying the second took three days for the Brady check, despite that I am the same person now as I was then. I'm grateful the Green Police didn't come for my bulbs during this time, as I would have been defenseless and devoid of the Constitutional right to pursue the happiness of bright lighting.

Another problem remains. The second Defender may be useless as a defender since there is no range within 60 miles to determine whether it works. Besides, I need to build competence so as not to shoot out the very bulbs I'm protecting. Yeah, the local range has been closed.

Bad business
Yeah, it was deemed unfit, despite being the perfect place and perfectly safe operation for testing the capabilities of legal firearms and the skills of their owners. Why was the range closed? Let's guess: Somebody got hurt? Somebody shot his own toe off? Somebody acted odd or threatening? No, no, and no. The range was closed for reasons out of range.

Outside the boundaries of the range itself, lead was found in the waters of a puddle. A California-style law suit ensued. The Green Police won, of course, although it took two years of court time and taxpayer monies. The range was closed, leaving locals' firearms testing to their own devices.

Source of all evil
Did I mention that the range was on a Marine base? Oops, I forgot that detail. It might have explained the lead being around. It does not explain why people already choose not to drink or bathe in public puddle water.

I'll admit, I am afraid of the Green Police. They are sure to find lead in my cognac decanter. I no longer ask for plastic, exhale in public, nor drive my car to its capabilities. So, please, don't tell anybody about my light bulb supply.