Greetings from the Boneless Chicken Ranch - 1

There has been a lot of discussion among nutritionists and others over the past few years about the health benefits of eating free ranging chickens as opposed to those raised in cages. There are also many arguments over the dangers and/or health benefits of eating genetically altered and/or chickens on steroids. Well I've been studying this problem and I may have a few answers.

To start with, anyone who has spent any amount of time on a farm can attest to the fact that chickens are scrounges and will pretty much eat anything they can get their little beaks around including insects, feces, garbage, lizards, other chickens, rocks and anything else that isn't nailed down. Now I don't necessarily have to have my chicken reared in a cage but knowing what I do know about them some sort of controlled environment is preferable, (We used to just keep our chickens in a fenced enclosure with a hen house so the hens would have a safe place to lay their eggs).

Plain old corn feed is best too. I don't need a bunch of antibiotic besotted steroid pumped genetically enhanced super chickens. For Christ's sake I'm just gonna make a damn sandwich out of the things. Good ole scrawny redneck chickens work just fine for that purpose.

What's with all that steroid stuff anyway? Don't you think it's odd that the only animal that doesn't breast feed has proportionately the largest breasts? Who needs a chicken with size 40 Double D's? I don't think the rooster gives a damn and he's the only one it ought to matter to. I raise my eyebrows at people who are a little over concerned with the size of their chicken's décolletage. I'm sure it's not good for the chicken's self esteem either.

If I was going to genetically alter a chicken I'd make it boneless and featherless. Obviously someone's already been working on this because I've been seeing more and more advertisements for boneless chicken parts. I still haven't seen one for featherless boneless whole chickens. But think about it, here's an idea that makes some sense. We all know that whenever we eat a chicken we're just gonna throw away the bones or give them to the dog. To hear the veterinarians tell it those chicken bones are not good for the dog either.

This could be the wave of the future - Boneless Chicken Ranches. They'd be easy to take care of. You could just move the chickens around with a shovel. They wouldn't take up much room and you wouldn't have to stress about what they may have eaten. You would control that. All you'd need is a funnel and a bag of corn.

The more I think about it the more I like the Idea. In fact I think I'm gonna start selling franchises to Chris's Boneless Chicken Ranches. Since I have yet to start one and have no idea what the initial costs would be I'll make you a deal. For the first 500 people who send me $500 dollars, (no checks), I'll send them a boneless rooster, a boneless hen, a funnel and a bag of corn. Now because the rooster is boneless you may have to help him a little when he's inseminating the hen. If you act now as a bonus I'll throw in a pair of tweezers and a pair of rubber gloves.

If this works out I might consider boneless beef and pork. As They say "All great minds started small", or is it "All great ideas started with a small mind" or maybe it's ...Aw hell you know what I'm trying to say.