Grief

The day goes on just as any other. The bustling of noise, of people in a hurry to get where they must go, of people moving too fast to think, to see that I am still standing in the same place- without moving. If you take a moment to look at my eyes, you will see that the smile is fading; it's a struggle to maintain the façade of joy, of peace. I go on just as you do, until something, somewhere reminds me that I am really here. This is not a dream, this is my reality. I feel as though I have been kicked hard in the stomach, and I am aching, without relief. I can not seem to feel that I am a part of where I am, as though I am standing just outside a circle that is spinning too fast for me to jump back in. My mind is numb, yet it races too fast to settle. My heart is broken, and can't mend back together, through solitude, through tears, through prayer. I am too tired to sleep and too awake to find a peace of mind about my pain. Each day adds another to this growing nightmare that I live with. I can not stop the tears from flowing at any given moment; I can not stop hearing the voice, seeing the pictures of the faces in my mind. Of remembering the happiness that once was a part of me. My life separates from the day before and the day after. It is what defines my existence now. Oh how I long to wake in the morning sunshine, and feel an inch of joy, of innocence that life has stolen from me. Life is cruel and death is greedy. Grief defines me, taunts me, and will not let me be.