Grief After Miscarriage

The American Pregnancy Association reports that between 10 and 25 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. If miscarriage occurs very early in the pregnancy, mothers may not have even realized they were pregnant and may not even realize they are suffering a miscarriage. They may think they are simply experiencing a somewhat heavy menstrual period.

In most cases, though, mothers do understand they were pregnant and have lost their babies. Parents that experience a miscarriage usually feel a sense of loss and they experience grief just as they would following any other great loss.

Stages of Grief

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a well known author and psychiatrist that specialized in working with terminally ill patients and their families, identified five common stages of grief. First is denial, in which parents that have suffered a miscarriage may doubt it's really happened. Next is bargaining, in which parents may promise each other, their doctors or God that they will do anything if only their baby can be saved. Third comes anger, a stage in which parents may rage at their doctors for not preventing the miscarriage or simply feel angry at the world. Depression, the fourth stage, is when parents may despair, withdraw, cry and feel desperately sad. Finally comes acceptance, which does not mean parents no longer feel sad or grieve for their lost child, but that they have found some sense of peace and are ready to begin to move on with their lives.

People do not always experience the stages of grief in this order, though, and they may experience some stages more than once. The grieving process takes longer for some than for others and there is no "right" length of time to grieve.

Seeking Support

Parents that experience miscarriage need support, just like anyone else that is grieving. Unfortunately, some people don't understand the grief that follows miscarriage. They may not realize that parents have lost a child and need to grieve and they may even suggest to parents that they can just have another child. In other cases, people want to be supportive but don't know how. They aren't sure what to say or worry that talking about the miscarriage will just make parents feel worse.

Still, grieving parents need support. They should ask for the help they need, let friends and family members know they are grieving and need support and try to talk about their feelings when they feel the need. Parents often benefit from attending a support group for parents that have lost a child due to miscarriage, as well. That way they can receive support from other parents that understand what they're going through. Hospitals often hold such support groups or can at least direct parents to other resources in the community.

Memorials

Some parents find it helpful to hold a memorial services or do something else to honor the memory of the child they lost. They might choose to donate money to a charitable organization in their child's name, plant a tree in their child's honor or erect a small monument to their child. Such acts can help parents find closure, but parents should not be pressured to hold a memorial service if they prefer not to do so.

Sources:

American Pregnancy Association. http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/miscarriage.html . Miscarriage.

Baby Center. http://www.babycenter.com/0_coping-with-pregnancy-loss_4006.bc . Coping With Pregnancy Loss.

CancerSurvivors.org. http://www.cancersurvivors.org/Coping/end%20term/stages.htm . Stages of Grief.

Mayo Clinic. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pregnancy-loss/PR00098 . Coping With Pregnancy Loss.