Grief and Perimenopause: What You Might Not Know

When women enter perimenopause they expect to experience hot flashes. They even expect night sweats and usually resign themselves to a few mood swings as well. In fact, there is an entire host of symptoms that are associated with perimenopause and most women realize they will have at least one of them as they pass through on their way to menopause.

But, what they may not expect to experience is grief. Good old fashioned mourning and an overwhelming sense of loss. Yet, grief and the process of grieving, is as much a part of perimenopause for many women as hot flashes, night sweats and mood swings. Unfortunately, very little is said about grieving during perimenopause and so when it occurs, women have no idea what is wrong or what to do about it.

Life as You Once Knew it is Over

Grief is based in loss. Usually when we think of grief, however, we think of death. While perimenopause is not a physical death, it is a biological death. It is also the loss of a life and an identity that many women have defined around their fertility, sexuality and menstrual cycles. So, it only stands to reason that when fertility ceases, menstrual cycles end and sexuality changes, that a sense of loss is experienced.

The grief can be compounded by the fact that many women fear getting older. While we all pay lip service to the notion that we will age and one day die. The truth is, few of us are running to meet old age and death, much less embracing it. But, perimenopause doesn't offer any choices. There is only one option and that option means the end of life as you once knew it--hence, the grief.

Don't Resist Change

When it comes to loss, especially through death, denial is one of the primary coping mechanisms. Denial shields us from the full psychological and emotional impact of loss, which allows us to get our bearings so to speak, enabling us to cope.

While a certain amount of denial can be helpful, too much denial or denial that is all consuming is crippling and paralyzing. In her book The Wisdom of Menopause, Dr. Christiane Northrup discusses the transition and transformation of perimenopause and the need to allow ourselves to feel the "pain of loss and grieve for those parts of our lives that we are leaving behind."

And leave it behind we must if we are to move into the next phase of our life. The healing process of grief requires that we move through the change and allow ourselves to fully experience the emotions and pain of loss.

Once we allow the change to occur and fully experience the grief, we can transition into a new phase of life that is full of new promise. Otherwise, we may very well hobble into that new phase, wounded and full of emotional baggage that only serves to weigh us down.

The Wisdom and Vitality of Menopause

For all that is said about the difficulty of perimenopause, not enough is said about the renewed sense of vitality and vigor for life that comes with actual menopause. So while there is sadness and pain associated with leaving behind the years that brought us to the pivotal point of menopause, we can certainly choose to embrace the change and a life that is no longer punctuated by a period.

Sources:

Web MD.com

Dr. Christiane Northrup.com

Women to Women.com

The Perimenopause Blog.com

Help Guide.org