Growing Up with an Autistic Sibling

Growing up with a sibling that has autism or other special needs is a daunting task. So much is written about the growing epidemic of autism and the hardships the family endures, but what about the "typically-developing" brother or sister? How many of us truly understand what that must be like?

Having a sibling with autism and growing up alongside that child has a defining influence on the typical child's life. He or she often becomes the 'caretaker' of their autistic sibling; sometimes at a very young age. Many times the typical child is younger in years, but must assume the role of the older brother or sister, helping with and being responsible for protecting their autistic sibling both at home and in public.

A severely-affected autistic child has special needs that usually require the constant vigilance of everyone in the family. Frequent outbursts of unpredictable behavior happens frequently and is very stressful to everyone but that stress and embarrassment is particularly hard on the typical sibling and when it happens while out in public it is extremely embarrassing for them . Many times friends and acquaintances don't understand the circumstances and awkward explanations must be given. Just having outsiders witness outbursts can be terribly difficult for the family and the embarrassment is sometimes lifelong for the sibling. They must always make room in their life for a difficult and different sibling.

The relationship between the special needs individual and his/her sibling is unique. The feelings of responsibility the typical child carries continues long into adulthood, especially after the parents are gone, and will probably never end even though the sibling is placed in an alternate living situation where others accept the total responsibility for his/her care.

Other issues that seem to be uniquely related to having a disabled sibling include feelings of isolation, guilt for having negative feelings about their sibling, jealousy over the amount of time parents spend with the special needs child, frustration over not being able to communicate or engage or get a response from their brother or sister, being the target of aggressive behavior, concerns about their parents grief and stress, concerns about what the future holds for themselves and their sibling, peer issues and pressure to achieve.

The burden of care is so ingrained in the typical sibling that it often negatively affects the outcome of their future life. They may decide against having children of their own, partly because of the fear that they may also have a child with special needs, but, more often because of the negative feeling they have experienced.

Early on, parents need to reaffirm to their typically-developing child that other brothers and sisters have the same negative and confusing thoughts. Parents must acknowledge that they know what the child is going through and that their negative feelings are normal.

Recently, many sibling support groups have begun forming to help these typically-developing brothers and sisters. One of the best ways for them to feel 'normal' is by meeting other siblings at workshops, play groups and other social activities and to be able to discuss their common concerns.

Information on sibling support groups can be found here:

http://autismsiblings.org/Home%20Page

　
http://www.siblingsupport.org/publications/what-siblings-would-like-parents-and-service-providers-to-know