Growing Polite Toddlers

Toddlers don't respond well to lectures. If a toddler is yelled at she learns quickly to yell back. When a toddler is ignored he learns how to ignore others.

We will use Stacy and Cody as our model parents, because Jared, while not perfect is very polite. At 20 months of age, most of the words he uses are polite. When questioned about why or how this happened Stacy just shrugged her shoulders and said, "I guess we just aren't very bossy." This of course could not explain the whole phenomenon so observation was needed.

Jared picked up a book that belongs to his mother. She quickly said "Jared, may I please have that book. I can get you another one." Jared handed her the book, she replied "Thank you, that was very thoughtful" He popped back with "You welcome."

Stacy found him a book and gave it to him. Jared replied, "Thank you,good"
"You are very welcome." came the gentle response from his mother.

Verbiage does make a difference when speaking with children.

Eventually during the observation Jared reached for a plug in a socket. The response from both parents was immediate. With raised voices both of them said "Danger" and Jared froze. It was obvious that the word was not overused but had meaning to the child. He did not seem to feel scolded, but knew that something was wrong.

His Dad then carefully pointed out the danger and finished the conversation with "Thank you for freezing when we said "Danger". That was perfect".

Jared replied, "You welcome".

Dinner time was a bit of a messy affair. Jared certainly had a long ways to go on table manners. He did keep asking for a "napkin please" and cleaning himself up. His mother had attached a little garbage sack to his high chair so he had a place for the used napkins to go. They use cloth napkins so they could be washed up later.

Sharing was another interesting polite concept. Jared did not always want to share what he had, but was happy to get everyone something. For example, he wanted to play with the red truck, but he shared the other trucks and cars with the rest of us. When he toppled over on our vehicles he said "Sorry" and did his best to put them back in order.

Children mirror the patterns of adults. If parents want polite children, they need to be polite. Using polite and kind words can be just as effective as using commands. Stacy and Cody both said that at first they had to stop and think before they made any requests so it would be in the manner they wanted Jared to behave. They avoided terms of ownership. They chose not to say "that is mine" and instead said "Mom needs that please".

Be polite and polite children will grow.