Growing Up Without My Father
He is Welcomed at Any Time
I'm 31 soon to be 32 and can pretty much count on both hands the amount of times I've seen my biological father. There is no mistaking that I'm his daughter, because we look exactly alike. When I'm lucky enough to be in his presence he always makes me feel like we've been close all my life, but of course that is far from the case. I love my father because he is the reason that I'm here, but I don't know him at all.
Over the years I've called him numerous times, and every now and then he will pick up. Most of the time I end up leaving a message and never get a call back from him. There have been a few birthdays here and there when he would send me money or a gift, but all I really ever wanted was him. Finally after years of attempting to start a solid father/daughter relationship with him I gave up. If he wants to get to know more about me then he should call and show interest that he wants to. The only thing that cuts me like a knife is the fact that he comes to Little Rock quite frequently and doesn't attempt to contact me. When I run into other relatives they tell me that he was just in town.
For the longest time I thought that no man would ever want me because my own father didn't. If the person who helped give you life doesn't want anything to do with you, then why would someone else? If my father took the time to know me he would find an independent, intelligent, confidant, professional woman who has no substance abuse issues. A woman who has never been to jail nor been involved in any form of illegal activity.
If I'm 60 and he decides he wants to be in my life I'm here for him, because it is never too late to start a relationship with a parent. Most people will disagree with this and that is their opinion. To tell you the truth he may have done me a really huge favor by deciding not to be in my life at this time. In no way am I making excuses for him or making him out to be this horrible person, but apparently now is not the time for whatever reason and that is fine.
I have a friend whose father molested her for years, and she confided in me. When she visits her parents she never says anything to him, but he tries his best to beg her forgiveness for all the abuse. Some sort of way she manges to still have love for her father, but their relationship will never be that of a father/daughter because the pain is way to deep. Her daughter is not allowed to go visit her grandparents during the summer like most small children because her mother is afraid that the cycle will continue.
There are other cases where the father is very abusive to the mother as well as the children. I can't tell you how many friends have learned they have several brothers and sisters outside of the home. Most of them have never met these other siblings and that is such a bad situation, because one day they could bring home one of them as a date. In more extreme cases the relationship has been consummated and they are on the verge of getting married and starting a family together. Letting your children know who their father is and who they are related to is so important. My mother has never received one single dime from my father and she has never said one ill word about him. Telling me about him was one the hardest things she ever had to do in life, but I'm so glad that she did.
Published by QUICHE
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14 Comments
Post a Comment@Marcy, you're welcome and I thank you for reading.
I'm sure there are reasons why you're reluctant to tell the biological father.You have to do what is best for you and your child. My mother told me when I was a little girl and she said that my step father wasn't my biological father. It was a few years before I actually met him and I can probably count the times that I have seen him. It's been ten years since I last saw him, but he surprised me by calling - twice this month. I hadn't spoken to him in about five years. It was nice talking to him. but I'm fearful of being hopeful. Wishing you the best.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am in the situation where I don't know whether or not I should contact the biological father of my 2 month old. I have a boyfriend who plays the father figure in her life, but eventually she is going to have to know that they don't share the same dna. The reason I hold back from contacting her father and trying to forge a relationship with him and my daughter is because I fear both having and not having him in her life... I also fear him not wanting to be a part of her life. I worry about sharing her and the relationship her father and I will have if he knows and then I worry about how it will affect her if she doesn't know her bio father. I don't know which is worse. What is your opinion? How would you have felt if your mother never told you about your bio father? How did your mother tell you about yuor real father?
For Tonya I notice that you aren't a member, so I hope that this message reaches you. First of all thanks so much for taking the time to read my story and caring enough to leave a comment; it means so much. I'm sorry to hear about what your step-father did to you. I hope you know that it is in no way your fault and things of that nature should never happen to a child. Secondly, yes it would be nice to know who your biological father is, but maybe he's not in your life for a reason. not saying that he is a bad person or would mean you any harm, but maybe it's better that he isn't. I've learned to live without mine, I will not begin to lie and say it's always easy because it's not. I'm glad to hear that things are going well for you(finishing college is a huge step)be blessed.
It breaks my heart that there are so many of us out there that don't know our biological fathers or barely do. I have the same situation though I was told my step-dad was my real dad until I was 18 during the time when my mom and him were getting a divorce. My step-dad sexual abused me. At some point when I was little my mom and him had an argument and it came out that he wasn't my real dad but after that fight they continued to pretend. Several years have past and now I'm finishing college and I have so many wonderful things happening in my life. However I still wonder who my biological father is, I wish he was a good enough sort of guy who would have wanted to be part of my life.
My sons finally got to meet their father when they were older teenagers. They discovered how blessed they were not to have had him in their lives. Sometimes, blessings can't be seen by us until we are older. Bless you, honey!
A great read. In my case, the man I thought was my dad wasn't, although he too believed he was. My real dad was murdered--a long and tragic tale--soon after he found out I was still alive. He had been told I had died at birth. I never personally knew him but he was a world champion athlete. Enjoy the opportunity to spend time with your dad and really get to know him.
Really, really great article.
My dad died when I was 9. Great article!
Great article. My father died of alcoholism at the age of 32. It is never easy growing up without a father. Just remember to keep forgiving those in your life who have let you down. Holding onto unforgiveness hurts only one person; us. Excellent job!
sorry about spelling "when" with "with"..