Guide to Coping with Transsexual Children

The movies "Boys Don't Cry" and most recently, "Transamerica" brought attention to a sensitive and at times, controversial subject matter, transsexuals. As parents you can only hope and pray that your child doesn't go through what Brandon Teena experienced. This short guide hopefully will help steer us and our child away from a life of constant struggle.

As I was reading up on this subject on the internet, I can't help but feel disgusted at what some of my searches came up with. Porn sites, articles that ridicule or degrade transsexuals, and just plain useless websites. Only when I did an advanced search did I find worthwhile articles to read about this condition. One is wikipedia which has a lot of information as to its history, definition and causes. But I'm not going to repeat them here, they have done a lot better job than I ever will.

My purpose is to help parents deal with children who identify themselves as transsexuals and hopefully make a little spark of difference on their lives.

Most transsexuals know at an early age that their identity does not coincide with the body that they have. Girls would want to dress as boys, play with toys that are associated with boys and tend to like girls. They would also look for a penis in their genital area and are worried that they have not grown one. Boys would be the other way around. Some parents find this amusing at first and usually just ignore this phase. They think that the child will outgrow this perception of themselves and will eventually settle to their assigned sex at birth. Most children do, but for some, it's stress that's too early and too complicated, for a young child to comprehend and for parents to explain. Parents who feel that their child is exhibiting these traits for an extended period of time and is affecting the child's behavior and temperament should consult with a professional. The key here is not to nip the problem in the bud but to try to understand what is happening to the child and what parents can say or do to comfort their child.

What if you're child is a teenager? Parents will blame this behavior on hormones and unfortunately for some of them, ignore this phase, too. At this age, children who think they are transsexuals and who have not sought the help of a professional will experience confusion, depression, and loneliness. A loving and understanding home environment will be their only defense from having major identity crisis. Parents at this stage in their children's lives need to educate themselves and learn to cope and understand the turmoil that their child is undergoing. Having an open mind will help you hold your child's hand and be there when he really needs you. Parents and children need not undergo this process alone. A lot of information is available on the internet, in the libraries, and in your child's school. Talk to a professional. Be part of a community that will offer support and guidance to you and your teen.

If your child is an adult and has decided to "come out" parents have to accept and respect the decisions s/he makes as to how s/he will be identified. This may lead to what is called sex reassignment therapy which includes hormone therapy and sex reassignment surgery. Parents are usually resistant at this stage for fear of losing their son or daughter forever. Parents have to understand that the essence of their children's identity will always be there no matter what body they're in. A parent's continued support, love and understanding will help him to transition into the life s/he wants.

Every human being deserves love and respect. As parents you should be the first people to show a caring attitude towards your children and not be the first people to condemn. Sometimes, parents are so caught up with what other people will say that they forget what matters most is what their child is saying.