Guide to Dating an Alcoholic

Dating an alcoholic is never a pleasant experience. I know some of you who are reading this may be saying, "But the good times are really good." I'm sure they are and for some reason we tend to remember the good and overlook the bad. In most circumstances that's a 'healthy' way to go through life, but when our well-being is in jeopardy we need to think otherwise.

If you are dating an alcoholic, please don't overlook any of his, or her behavior, especially if you are thinking of marrying this person.

When Dr. Phil used to appear on Oprah's television show, I remember how often he used to tell a spouse, "You knew this about him, or her before you got married." That's the truth. It's true that love is blind, but it's blind at the beginning. Eventually the true and actual situations rise above the blindness.

When a person has too much to drink and becomes drunk they often become mean, aggressive, verbally abusive and even physically abusive. They often become drunk in a bar, or a club and then act out at home to their spouse, or partner and their children. Sometimes their outrage and physical abuse can even become deadly. Many domestic violence cases include alcohol. Often the next morning the alcoholic doesn't even remember how they were and what they did when they were drunk, but their victims have emotional and physical scars that are unforgettable and unforgiving. No one should allow themselves to be an alcoholic's victim.

After time the victim begins to feel that he, or she deserves the emotional and/or physical abuse received by the alcoholic. The victim's self-esteem diminishes believing everything bad the alcoholic is saying about them is true. That is so far from the truth.

If there are small children in the relationship, no child should be exposed to the behavior of an alcoholic. It will detrimentally effect them emotionally and children often repeat the behaviors they see of their role models. Also, alcoholism is said to be hereditary.

If you would like to know in depth of what it's like to live with an alcoholic, read Suzanne Somers book, Keeping Secrets. In it she writes about her life with her alcoholic father. She wrote about the all too many nights he came home drunk and was abusive to all the members of her family. She wrote about the role each person played to try and keep peace in the house and not to make her father angry. It was a very informative book and very heart breaking.

Eventually a person who is dating, or married to an alcoholic may look back and say to themselves, "Why did I get myself into this mess?"

Maybe he, or she thought the alcoholic would change, or quit, or things would get better.

Alcoholism is a disease. It's an obsessive compulsive behavior and it is a poor coping skill.

The non-alcoholic spouse, or partner may want to help the alcoholic get the help he, or she needs. That is fine, but remember that alcoholics don't change unless they want to and they commit to getting help. Receiving the help they need consists of ongoing therapy dealing with the underlying reasons they are 'drowning' their problems in the first place. No matter how much we think we love them and want to help them, we don't have the professional knowledge to help them. Often they don't want to take advice from those close to them and above all, every alcoholic will swear they don't have a problem. Alcoholics need professional help.

That's about them, but what about the non-alcoholic partner, or spouse?

Once a person is in a relationship with an alcoholic it may be hard to leave the relationship because a person fears even worse physical abuse, or even death. Then why get yourself too deep into that situation in the first place? Be Smart. Take care of you and think of you. There are other men, or women out there for you. It just takes time. If and when it's meant to be, it will happen. Like I said at the beginning, being in a relationship with an alcoholic is never a pleasant experience. There is not one person who deserves to be treated negatively by another, nor do they deserve to have a miserable life as a result of someone else's life.

Be good to yourself. Take care of you. Think of you.

Try not to get into a relationship with an alcoholic. If you are already in one, seek help for the both of you. Sooner is better than later.

If you are an alcoholic and want to get help, you can call this toll free Alcohol Hotline telephone number 24 hours a day, 7 days of the week: 1-800-331-2900.

If you are a family member of an Alcoholic, you can call this Al-Anon for Families of Alcoholics telephone number 24 hours a day, 7 days of the week: 1-800-344-2666.

You can view other toll free numbers at: http://www.starcana.com/emergencycrisishotline.htm

The Alcoholics Anonymous website is extremely helpful. On there they have information for alcoholics and their friends and family, also for groups and members, resource recommendations, a local directory to find help in your area, etc. Their website is: www.aa.org