Guide to Dating Someone Older or Younger

He was 12 years older than I. Now I'm dating someone 14 years older than I. Obviously, I go for older men. What are the appeal and the draw? Does it just happen that way or do I have a purpose in choosing older men? Does it matter either way?

I often get interesting looks or comments when discussing age differences in my relationships. Even now, as a friend contemplates dating someone 10 years younger, there are so many questions. What is right and wrong with dating someone significantly older or younger than oneself? What issues may arise? How can you communicate with being from different generations?

It does not matter. Many of us have older and younger friends and we get along just fine: there may come times when you say "remember when" and the person may not "remember when" because they were not alive. There may also be generational differences in moral viewpoints or societal expectations. All of these can easily be worked through, and adjusted, when you are open to discussing and relating with one another, as you would in any relationship.

I have been told before that someone was too old for me, or that I was too young for someone, but life experiences have put me in a different plateau than most. We all have different maturity levels. People that are in relationships and are the same age may find just as many differences, and just as many commonalities, as those who are distanced in age, depending on their maturity level. Personality traits divide more commonly than significant age distances.

When you decide to entertain dating someone older or younger than you, it is important to be open minded to the relationship. One of the hardest things to work past can be society's view on age gaps in relationships. We anticipate that people will think it is unacceptable to date someone 10, 20, even 30 years older or younger. In some cases it can seem strange, or an odd fit, but if the couple is happy and receptive to one another's needs, it can work.

A big hurdle of large age differences can be playing the older/younger game. That is, when one is older, not to act as the more mature or authoritative figure. It can make the younger person feel inadequate and not an equal partner in the relationship. It is also important for the younger party to not play into the younger role by acting immature or being less communicative with their significant other. There must be a mutual respect, as in any relationship.

Large age differences in relationships should only be "red flagged" if the parties are not open to the age difference, and if they are going to let others influence their decision to be together. As long as each party is open to one another's life and preferences, these relationships can work well and be quite fruitful.

If you are in or are considering entering a large age difference relationship, keep in mind that not everyone may be supportive. You may be questioned for your motives in the relationship, but ultimately, it is your equal happiness that is most important. Be open to talking to your partner about the issues that can arise with the age difference, and if you find that at any time it makes either of you uncomfortable. Communication is key, and as long as both parties are willing to work towards a happy, healthy relationship, the age difference will not be a concern.