Guide for Divorcing Parents

When going through a divorce many people have a wide array of feelings. Hurt, sadness, anger and betrayal are some of the emotions that effect people in the process of the divorce and long after the divorce has been finalized. People will act out and try to hurt each other any way that they can. But parents need to remember that the children are innocent victims in this. Parents need to protect their children as much as possible so as not to cause any emotional problems in their child.

First thing parents need to do is to sit down together and break the news to their child. Remember that during this conversation at no time should you try to lay blame on the other parent. So present a united front to your child and explain that you are no longer going to be husband and wife. Tell your child that you both still love them and will both still be there for them but that you can not do it living together anymore. It does not matter who was the cause of the marriage ending. That is a private matter between you and your soon to be ex spouse. It should never be made known to your child.

Second thing parents need to remember is that children are human beings who deserve love and respect also. They are not objects to be used to hurt each other with. You can never withhold visitation with the other parent and your child just because you want to hurt the other person. You are hurting your child when you do this. Your child did nothing wrong , so why would you want to hurt your child?

Don't make your child try to choose between you. Telling your child how much the other parent has hurt you will make your child feel like they have to be angry at their other parent. This is wrong in every sense of the word. A child needs to be loved by both of you and needs to be able to love both of you. By pitting your child against your ex spouse all you do is hurt your child. You really don't hurt your ex spouse as much as you do the child. So ask yourself if the little bit a pain you have caused your ex worth the huge amount of pain and devastation that you caused your child.

Now that you are living in separate houses , the both of you need to keep the rules the same. What goes in one house goes for the other parent's house as well. Just because you no longer live in the same home together does not mean that you should stop parenting together. Find time to discuss the rules that you want your child to have at each house and stick to them.

Parents also need to keep each other informed of school functions and be on their best behavior while attending these functions. How you act at your child's school functions can embarrass and hurt your child. So remember this is about your child and not about you.

You can make your divorce less painful for your child. Take the time to work things out as far as parenting goes with your other spouse. When it comes time to deal with anything to do with the child put all of your hurt and anger aside. There will be plenty of time when the child is not present or in need of both of you, for the two of you to inflict all the wounds you want.

As a side note this is not written for the parents who have a legitimate case of abuse. If the other parent is abusive towards the child then by all means put a stop to the abuse. This means real abuse, not the "Oh he spanked the child once on the butt and I don't approve so I won't let him see the kid", type of abuse. So keep it real when it comes to abuse and not something you just want to use to get your way. When people do that they make it hard for a parent who's child has really been abused to protect their child. If it is not real abuse then you need to refer to the first part of this article for how to deal with your ex.