Guide to Guitar Shopping for the New Guitarist

First and foremost, you are about to make the most important decision of your life. One that will, if you treat it right and give it the proper attention and care, provide you with a life-long companion; that is, a companion that will love you regardless of social, economic, or career status. This decision is one that will outweigh all other decisions, including, but not limited to, marriage, children, buying a house, buying a car, domestic and foreign policy, abortion, healthcare, law enforcement and what brand of cereal is best. I'm speaking, of course, about buying your first guitar. For years, you have dreamed of holding one that you can call your very own; you are aching, no yearning, for a piece of equipment so vital to your inner soul that God Himself feels it in his Almighty bosom. And now, at long last, after toiling for years, much like Jacob's quest for Rachel, you are finally in a position to make the ultimate purchase: a guitar equivalent to that of the Pearl of Great Price. But this decision is not one to take lightly. Nay, it is of the utmost importance. One wrong move and you can likely be stuck with a dingy piece of wood, fastened together with barbed wire, stringed with yarn and painted with depravity, producing a sound so abysmal the leviathan of the deep retreats in fear. Guitar shopping requires the utmost fortitude, an unimaginable strength of heart and will, and a love strong enough to challenge Dido's love for Aeneas. If you lack the courage to meticulously examine each and every possibility then perhaps guitars are not for you. Maybe you could give recorders a try. Plastic, tuneless, and annoying, recorders are ideal for those people incapable of musical forethought. Pick one up at any local elementary school. Guitars are for titans, monsters, and pirates. Pansies need not apply.

When buying a guitar, it is important to take stock of your innermost self. Who you are as a person is largely going to define they type of guitar you buy. Generally, for beginners, you have two initial choices: Electric or Acoustic. While this might seem to be the simplest of choices, I can assure that it can easily shape who you become as a player. In terms of ease on the fingers, an electric appears the obvious choice. Depending on the weight of the string, it is easier to chord, less likely to hurt the delicate fingers of beginners, although extended playing will cause calluses. Acoustic strings are always heavier but heavier strings build finger strength and ensure faster calluses. These mild discomforts, however, will not deter the true champion, so while it may bear slightly on your purchase, it is the sound that will ultimately determine the decision. Acoustic guitars occasionally get a bad reputation for being associated with weak, hippie-inspired love songs. While these travesties do exist, it is important to remember that you determine the sound and direction of your music. Hard-core rocking is not limited to heavily overdriven electric guitars; if you have any doubt I urge you to listen to Tenacious D or Lindsey Buckingham's version of "Big Love" on Fleetwood Mac's The Dance. Acoustic guitars can provide a unique rock and roll experience, delving deep in the cavernous reservoirs of emotion within a musician and erupt into a cavalcade of sound symphonically calling the heavens down in a tumultuous rapture of beauty.

While acoustic guitars may be unsung, the electric is synonymous with soul crushing, ear blasting, bowel shaking blasts of tonal destruction. Brobdingnagian beasts wield the instrument with force rivaling the colossal blasts of the sun, melting note into note with brumal, frozen winds. Merely speaking of the importance of this instrument requires hours coaxing the perfect words from an ambivalent thesaurus. Yes, the legend of the electric guitar weighs heavily on ones mind as you look for your perfect expression of your visceral soul. Of course, the stereotypes of this instrument exist as well. Long haired, painted faces on men in leather and lace haunt the club of amplification; mask wearing, powerchording freaks leer at you from the wings of eternity. Neighbors dial the fuzz daily, complaining of demonic noise coming from the basements and cloistral rooms of practicing teens. The electric guitar is difficult to play quietly, as it longs to be unleashed on a sweating, eager crowd. If you are unwilling to subject others to the moderate embarrassment of learning a new instrument, perhaps an electric should wait until you are confidently cocky. An amplifier is also essential to the purchase of the instrument as well, making the financial constraints a little heavier. Choose wisely.

After you have made your choice, acoustic or electric, it is time to dedicate yourself to the lengthy process of choosing the guitar itself. There are brands upon brands upon brands, each offering something different. As far as acoustic instruments are concerned, the most important aspect in choosing an instrument is how it feels and sounds in your hands. While a Taylor or a Martin guitar can be regarded as the best sounding by those of us who play often, it can be inferior to your own personal preference. When shopping, try to consider price as little as possible. Just because it is inexpensive doesn't mean it isn't exactly what you need. Consider the feeling of your fingers on the fret board. Slide your hand up and down the neck, paying attention to the smooth glide of your palm. Strum an open chord, listening for full bodied sound. Do not buy a guitar that sounds like coins on a tin roof. Listen instead for the tones of the soundboard. Check the neck of the guitar by looking from headstock to base, making certain it is absolutely straight. Most importantly: Ignore the salesman! They know nothing. This is your guitar. It needs to be your decision, above the influence of quotas and sales pitches. Visit several different stores, play hundreds of guitars. Leave no stone unturned.

Each of the rules that apply to buying an acoustic guitar also applies to buying an electric. But electric guitars have their own rules as well. Each brand is tailored for a specific sound, although each is merely an extension of the originals: Fender and Gibson. Were it my decision, I would not deviate from these two brands. Fender is the classic, the stylish, the workhorse of rock and roll. Every artist from every important band has played, or still plays, a Fender. Fender has several different styles itself, each with a different sound. Stratocaster to Telecaster to the Jaguar to the Mustang, each guitar sounds different and each guitar has several levels of professionalism within its category, usually indicated by price. Again, price should not enter in to your decision making process. It is entirely possibly to find a Fender Squire Stratocaster that fits you perfectly and works in your hands better than an American Deluxe. Trial and error is the rule of thumb here.

The other original is the Gibson. A Gibson Les Paul Standard is the author's guitar of choice. Deep and melodious when clean, it wails and moans with the slightest overdrive, like a banshee sucking the soul out a lovelorn, heartbroken widow. It is the guitar of Zeppelin and Townshend, Allman and Slash; it seeps into the air like a morning bakery and explodes like the atom bomb. It is the perfect combination of beauty and style. Much like the Fender, Gibson carries with it multiple styles and levels of guitar perfection. Generally, Gibson instruments are going to be more expensive than Fender as all Gibson instruments are handmade. This isn't to say they can't be affordable, as you can by an Epiphone, which is Gibson's cheaper line of products, all based on the same Les Paul/SG styles. While I prefer Gibson, each guitarist has the responsibility to buy the guitar that represents their individuality.

You now have the tools you need to make an informed decision. May God Bless the Rock that will undoubtedly flow from your very capable fingers.