Guide to What Not to Say to an Infertile Couple
Don't Say!
"I understand." No, you don't. You can't possibly understand unless you have been through what they are going through.
"Just relax! It'll happen when it happens. Try not to think about it." This is completely inaccurate and not helpful. The fact is that if the person has some sort of physical ailment that is preventing them from achieving pregnancy, relaxing isn't going to fix that.
"Quit your job or adopt another child because then they'll get pregnant for sure." Really? I'm betting you know someone that happened to. Your cousin's friend got fired and was pregnant the next day.
"Maybe it's just God's will." Oh! Ok then. You know I was dying for a baby and was doing everything humanly possible but I guess if YOU say it's god's will I will stop trying.
"All good thing's come in time." Because I think the time is perfect right now.
Never tell them about your experiences with fertility and how you got pregnant when you weren't even trying on your honeymoon and didn't know if you wanted to keep the baby until you found out you were having twins.
"Well are you pregnant yet?" If she hasn't told you, obviously there is a reason.
NEVER gossip about it to other people. If they told you about their fertility issues, it was in confidence. Odds are they would be happy no one ever knew they were infertile, much less going through fertility treatments.
Don't give them advice on sexual positions, herbal remedies, what to do after sex, when to have sex, where to have sex....you get my point. Odds are they already talked to the doctor about this.
Don't tell them a bunch of old wives tales as if it was written in stone as absolute fact. Trust me. We've heard about gender selection and standing on your head.
Don't Do!
Don't exclude them from your baby shower. Try to be understanding if they are unable to go.
Don't exclude them from your pregnancy. Yes, they are having trouble having a child but that doesn't mean they aren't ecstatic for you and want to know about it.
Don't point out every cute baby you see in the store. Trust me. We saw them.
Don't rub their stomach every time they complain about some physical ailment. If they say they are hungry, don't rub their stomach and say "He's gonna be a soccer player!"
Published by Rachel Soden
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- Don't give advice based on old wive's tales.
- Don't exclude them from your baby shower to spare their feelings. It'll have opposite effect.
- Try to be sensitive to what is happening to them and simply ask if there is anything you can do.