Guide to Shotgun Weddings for Pregnant Teens

A shotgun wedding is one that is done quickly because of an accidental pregnancy. The wikipedia describes it as: "A marriage precipitated by a woman's pregnancy, causing her father to point a literal or figurative gun at the man's head. It is an arrangement made to avoid embarrassment due to an unintentional pregnancy."

It's not so easy to have a shotgun wedding anymore. Kids are refusing to get married, just because their parents tell them to, and besides, some states do not allow teenagers under a certain age to get married even with their parents consent. Some states will allow a young teenager to get married by court order, if the parents go to court and file.

In the State of Oregon, my home state, a teenager under the age of 17 cannot get married. The law reads like this: "Anyone not yet 17 years of age cannot be legally married in the State of Oregon. A seventeen year-old can be married if they have the parent's or guardian's consent. Parent and guardian consent forms are available from the County Recording Office." If you would like to see the marriage laws for your state go to http://usmarriagelaws.com/search/united_states/teen-marriage-laws/index.shtml. It makes for some very interesting reading.

It doesn't matter how many shotguns daddy has; it is very hard for teenagers under a certain age to be married, no matter how much the family wants them to be married.

We as parents have dreams and goals for our children that we would like to see come to pass. We, of course, want the very best that life has to offer, for our children. When our daughter becomes pregnant unexpectedly, or our son makes a girl pregnant unexpectedly, naturally we become upset, and that's okay. Be upset, but only for a little while.

If the pregnant teenagers want to get married, and they are of age, at least with parent's consent, then it is up to the parents to be level headed and point out the pro's and con's of a shotgun wedding.

1. The teenagers are responsible enough to want to give legitimacy to the baby's birth.

That is an admirable thing, but there is not the social stigma on a child being born out of wedlock anymore.

2. The teenagers want to give the baby a home. This is admirable as well, but you need to point out to them the fact that they haven't even finished school. How can they provide a stable home for a baby. Minimum wage paying jobs don't go very far these days.

3. The teenagers want to raise the baby together; mommy and daddy together. This is another good point, but who will raise the baby while they are finishing their education?

4. If you and your pregnant teenagers have deep religious convictions, and feel that they are doing the right thing by getting married, you can point out to them that there are so many already married couples that can't have children, and would do everything in their power to give the baby love, and a good stable home. Unless the families of both teenagers were willing to help support the kids and the baby while they finished high school, and the kids got established with at least decent jobs, they could not provide a good stable home for the baby. The pregnant teenagers can provide a lot of love for the baby, and can even provide a home with hard work; but it is an ugly fact of life, that without stable finances, there is not a stable home. The kids need to be made to understand this.

5. Let the pregnant teenagers know how much their lives will change when they get married. It's time they realize that life is not a bed of roses. We try to shield our children from the unpleasantness of adulthood as much as we can, but maybe it's time they learn. Get out the rent, utility bills, gas and food bills and let them see just how much it costs just to exist. I know it's a cold, hard lesson, but you would not be fair to them if you did not do this.

If the pregnant teenagers are still determined to hurry-up and get married, then it is up to you parents to give your permission or not. Most Adult and Family Services have counselors on staff that can help families in situations such as this. Make use of them. They have the resources available to help guide the teenagers.

Resources:

http://usmarriagelaws.com/search/united_states/teen-marriage-laws/index.shtml