Guilt Comes from the Inside Out - Never from the Outside In

Have you felt quilty lately? Has someone made you feel quilty? Has someone said something that hurt your feelings? Do you know you are in the wrong? Well you are! No one can harm me unless I allow it to happen. I have heard that, but the way I was allowing someone to hurt my feelings was always a mystery. Let me solve the mystery for you.

The fact

The first time I heard that quilt comes from the inside out - never from the outside in, I did not believe that statement. Surely the people I loved had the power to make me feel guilty! It happened all the time. In this day of our society where no one wants to take responsibility for their actions (the gun killed the person - not the one holding the gun) this statement is not readily accepted. The fact is that I am the only one that can make me feel guilty - not you, unless I give you that power over me.

The reason

The only reason anyone has that power over me is by my actions or inactions. I am a big girl, I know the things I should be doing and I also know the things I should not be doing. The only way anyone can hurt me is if I am guilty of doing something wrong, or guilty of not doing something I am responsible for doing.

An example

One day I was sitting in the kitchen "thinking". My husband came by and said something to me. It hurt my feelings. Upon reflection, I realized what had happened. It was not what he said.....I don't even know what he said! It was what I was doing at the time. What I was "thinking" about was an unpaid bill that I needed to make arrangements for payments. I was feeling guilty within myself!

Actions to solutions

I immediately contacted that creditor and made arrangements for payment. I also sat down and made a list of everything I felt guilty about and listed the actions I needed to take to correct the feelings. Here are some I remember:

Contact parents more often

Apologize to my friend for that "petty" argument

Be nicer to my family

Clean papers from office desk

Be a better employee at work

Do laundry and put it away completely

Usually it is the small things that bother me. I remember the saying about the "ants at the picnic...". These are just a few that I remember. That was a long time ago.

Still today, I must take care to keep my "sidewalk clean" or I am subject to being sensitive and getting my feelings hurt. I do not like giving that power to anyone. I like being comfortable in my own skin. If feelings come from the inside out, then I want peace, contentment, confidence. When someone is rude, I can say "excuse me" and remove myself. When someone accuses wrongly, I can simply say "that's not true" and offer no explanation. That is the freedom I desire. I have it when my laundry is done. It takes a little work and you can have it too. Try it!