Guilty Gary - an Essay on Gary Soto's "The Pie"

Many times people need to rationalize when they feel guilt. These rationalizations can be displayed through body language, decisions and words. Gary Soto, feeling guilty, wrote an autobiographical narrative about his six year-old self stealing a pie. Soto expresses his guilt by writing about his fear of divine punishment, his disappointment in himself, and his justification of his sins.

Originally, young Soto feels guilty because he is afraid of the repercussions of his thievery. Soto admits that he "[knows] enough about hell to stop [him] from stealing." This knowledge is what keeps him out of trouble for all his life before, but now once he commits theft this knowledge only worries him that his sins will send him to hell. Soto regrets his actions because he does not want to be punished. Later on as Soto recalls the story of Adam and Eve, he divulges that a stronger fear than "...falling from grace [is] being thirsty the rest of [his] life." Soto relates himself stealing the apple pie to when Eve stole an apple. Because Soto's image of the punishment for stealing is so harsh, he fears that drastic measures will be taken to counter his sin. Overall, Soto is filled with guilt because he desperately does not want to experience the wrath that he knows from his religion.

Soto also reveals how ashamed he is of himself which further indicates his guilty feelings. When another kid, Johnny, from Soto's neighborhood comes by, he asks for some of Soto's pie, but Soto replies harshly and later "...[feels] bad for not sharing with [Johnny]." Soto reflects on his actions with regret; not only did he steal a pie but he did not share the enjoyment of its taste. There was enough pie for both children admiring it but young Soto could not even spare Johnny a bite, and that is on what Soto is judging himself. His guilt is based on within his wanting to go back and do the right thing by sharing. When Soto finishes the pie he finds that "...the pie tin [glares] at [him]..." This is personification; the pie tin looks at Soto with disapproval. How Soto sees the pie tin is a refection of his own feelings. Soto knows what he did was wrong and his guilt comes to life though the personification of the pie tin. Clearly, Soto's self interpretation of his actions is a major indicator that he believes himself to be guilty.

Lastly, Soto portrays his guilt by attempting to justify his sins. As soon as Soto devours down a part of the pie he raves that when he finishes he will "... [feel] like crying because it [is] the best thing [he has] ever tasted." Soto is lost in his content in the pie's taste; he covers up how he stole it by making it sound like a reward. Soto also blinds himself from his guilt by keeping his mind focused on the delicious apple pastry. After he finishes the pie, young Soto realizes "...that the best things in life come stolen." Soto uses this to explain that he had to steal in order to increase the quality of the pie. This statement also implies that Soto is looking for a thrill as opposed to just breaking the law to be greedy. Soto feels that he needs to relieve his guilt through words on why he stole. The phrase sinfully delicious is appropriate for Soto because he performs a sin to enjoy his sweet desert. Finally, Soto defends his own crime to take some of the stress of guilt off of himself.

In total, Soto's representation of his fear of great repercussions, shame in his actions and need to explain why he stole proves that his interpretation of his six year-old self is that of having guilt. Because Soto was feeling guilty he used writing to take the pressure off himself. Sin was hard for him to take and he put his talented skills in writing to good use to set his guilt free. Guilt may come from sin as with Soto, or it may be brought about by other causes, certainly everyone has their own ways of setting their minds at ease.