Guilty of Living in Chicago

The news came last week that parking ticket revenues were off. The word was that more tickets had to be written. A memo had leaked out, an unforgivable breach of Chicago etiquette. Mayor Daley is an attorney and he knows the rules of evidence. He knows the drill and so do we. He deny's everything and suspends the memo writer for a day, but the word was out and we had to pay.

After the mayor rammed his parking meter deal through, the citizenry became responsible for the debt. We had to use the parking meters. If we didn't, we had to make up the shortfall.

So two enforcers from the city, ticket books in hand were walking down my street this morning. I live on a residential street far from the hall of power and far from an area where there is any parking congestion. The enforcers were on a mission. They were checking each car for it's proper city tax sticker and any other possible violations.

My car was parked fifteen feet from a fire hydrant. The city paints the curbs yellow so we know violation area. The paint fades and disappears with time. We estimate.

I see that my neighbor is having an animated discussion with the two enforcers. They are standing by my car, so I figure that I should put my shoes on and see what is going on.

The enforcers have already moved on when I emerge. My neighbor tells me that they were going to give me a ticket for parking too close to the fire hydrant. We both look at the paint and where the car is. There might be a shadow of a violation.

My neighbor said that they thought that I was parked too far away from the curb.

I am parked six inches from the curb.

He says that they agreed to give me a pass this time, but I better move my car.

I thank him for taking my case, but we just stand for a moment speechless.

We are contemplating our violations. We are either too near or too far to avoid being ensnared in the grasp of the department of revenue. We are equally victims. We are not citizens but a bottomless cash register. When they can't raise our taxes any higher the city endeavors to find transgression among the most innocent of us and fine us to the maximum.I escaped this time. The neighborhood is safe from my crime wave and the good mayor is ever vigilant, but his bills are due and we must pay.