Gummi Bears, Lollipops, and How Good "Real Housewives" Go Bad

The sugary treats, while not widely considered wholesome or nutritious, have always seemed harmless enough. For most of us, lollipops are our first experience with the wide world of candy goodness. And gummy bears. Sure they are a dentist's nightmare, and any one of the tiny tubby creatures can wreak havoc with your dental work. But they are so cute! And squishy. And sweet.

So who would have thought these otherwise simple delights might have a more sinister properties. Certainly not Kelly Bensimone of "The Real Housewives of New York City." And after viewing the St. John's girls getaway episodes, it seems possible that these candies may be capable of producing psychologically altered states ranging from unfounded anger and aggression to paranoia to perhaps even hallucinations. Was Alex McCord in Kabuki makeup when she confronted Jill Zarin at a party in a previous episode? It didn't seem so to me. Though in fairness, this could also have been a mistake on Kelly's part not really knowing what Kabuki is and as such what the makeup might actually look like. Still I get a little giggle imagining Alex in Kabuki dress and makeup attending the party and making her proclamation regarding Bethenny to Jill. Close your eyes and try it. It's quite an entertaining visual.

But humor aside, is there something to be learned from this? Since we now all know and understand that "a cook does not a chef make", perhaps we can add to this great tome of wisdom, "candy does not a food make." And just because something tastes good, and maybe the immediate sugar buzz makes you feel a little giddy, this does not mean it is good for you. Most of us try to teach this lesson to our children at some point before age 6, but it's never too late. Life is a journey, and learning is forever.

Apart from poor eating habits, another thing that seems to bring about bad behavior on The Real Housewives of New York City and Orange County as well is the issue of work. Ewwww. But to be completely fair, isn't the very definition of a housewife one whose primary occupation is her home life? So why do the Bravo executives insist on planting these trouble making women who insist on supporting themselves financially? Bethenny Frankel is the extreme example of this - in her first two seasons she is shown in the intro with her dog! No husband, no kids. What kind of housewife is that? Of course she was going to create controversy. And poor Jill Zarin got suckered right into it. She used all her skills to transform Bethenny into a career wife and what did Bethenny do to repay her in the off season? She had the nerve to go on a book tour to promote her business, brand, and career. Which most of us in the real world consider to be work. But not Jill.

She saw it as Bethenny caring only about money. Well what Jill probably doesn't realize is that most people, even women, don't marry their money. They have to work for it. And that means not as much time for charity lunches and tennis matches and shopping for overpriced home decor and luxury handbags that your husband pays for. It's easy not to care about money when someone else earns it for you. Sadly most of us are not so lucky.

Work has also has seemed to cause problems for Vicki Gunderson and Mr. Vicki Gunderson (sorry, I couldn't resist) from the "Real Housewives of Orange County." The other housewives clearly resent the time Vicki spends working while they are spending time together, and it is a constant source of bickering and snide commentary. Though in their defense, Vicki is a little holier than thou about it. I mean first of all, she sells insurance. Honest work to be sure, but it's not as if she is researching a cure for cancer. And in this country most of us work (whether we like it or not) so she shouldn't be expecting a medal for it. But second of all, isn't she also getting paid for her time on Real Housewives? So really it's not as if she is "not working" if she lets her hair down and whoops it up (literally in her case) from time to time. I mean sure, if the housewives can double dip (and Bravo doesn't mind) why not? But seriously Vicki, get off the cross already. Someone else can use the wood.

Speaking of Bravo benefits, this too seems to turn an otherwise happy (ahem) homemaker into a single spinster on a dime. In the case of Tamra Barney of Orange County, even my husband wonders if she would have been so quick to end things with Simon if (a) he hadn't lost his money and (b) she didn't have her own money now via Bravo? And in the case of the Count and Countess of NYC. Did the Count resent that he lost some of the former control he had over his little wifey and decide to look for someone a little more malleable? Did her initial sweet and pleasant demeanor fade at home as well as it did on screen after the first season, after experiencing a little notoriety and money in her own right? Or did the Count simply see this as his window of opportunity to get out a little more free and clear than he might have previous to Real Housewives.

Though this worked in quite the opposite way for Lauri Waring of "Real Housewives of Orange County," who began the show as a struggling single mom and left it in nothing short of a fairy tale wedding replete with her quite handsome and seemingly mega wealthy new husband. Maybe the same will be true for Bethenny Frankel, though it appears Jason's wallet didn't figure as much into the equation in this relationship. (Which we secretly like, btw.) It will be interesting to see them both in more depth in her Bravo spin off "Bethenny's Getting Married" premiering June 10.

Back to the Real Housewives, while we anxiously await the snubbing of Jill in St. John, the ultimate finale and subsequent reunion, let's all take a moment to hope that sweet and sexy Sonja Morgan, NYC's newest housewife, will never ever bitten by the mean old nasty housewife bug. A word to the wise, Sonja. Whatever else you do while on the show, just say no to the Gummi Bears!