Gun Violence in the USA

Fourteen months and counting. Has it really been that long, it seems like only yesterday! The pain, anger, sadness and emptiness barely diminished. So many questions race through my mind. How could this happen! Why my son! What kind of world do we live in! So many questions and empty answers. Our children dying in the streets.

We have all seen it on television or read about it in the news, we feel sympathy at that brief moment but then life goes on. Have you ever wondered about the Mother's, Father's or family and friends of these young victims, how they go on living. Not just at the time but weeks, months even years down the road. Well I would like to share my life my reality with you. When did my life spin out of control, March 28th 2006. It started out with my normal routine. Jump in the shower, get ready for another day at work. Commute thirty miles. I must add though, that on my way to work that morning listening to music as usual I was feeling kind of emotional and on the verge of crying. By the time I arrived at work I felt drained and some what sick to my stomach. I thought to myself I must be coming down with something because I feel really awful. So I asked to leave for the day and made my 30 mile commute back home. I remember walking through the door and thinking, I can't recall ever feeling so exhausted. I turned on the television for background noise, a habit I have when I'm home alone. Laying down on the sofa I was asleep with in minutes.

Then the loud ringing of the phone piercing my peaceful slumber, a peace that little did I know would be my last! Grabbing for the phone still half a sleep I mutter hello, I hear crying and screaming words all jumbled together that aren't making any sense. So I ask who is this and reply, I can barely understand you. I will never forget the words I heard next, forever burned in my brain! Oh my God Maddy, Daniel's dead He was shot! I now recognized the voice. In disbelief I ask her a few questions trying to stay in control. I told her I need to get off the phone right now! When I hung up, I felt numb and was shaking uncontrollably. I fell to my knees and my anguish poured out like those of a wounded animal! Echoing through each room. All alone and dare I say freaking out, I quickly grabbed the phone to call my husband at work. He received a similar in audible call, like I had experienced only minutes before. Being my strength he told me not to hang up and talked to me non stop until he arrived home about 30 minutes later. I can't recall a word he said but knowing he was on his way was like a life preserver for the moment. Thinking back on it now, call it strange but I feel that some how that day my sadness and sickness was some type of warning or message of things that had or were going to take place.

Now with the details revealed my 25 year old son was shot and killed with an AK47 while he sat in his car. He had been called by his girl friends sister to please come and give her a ride home. The criminal who shot my son was my son's girlfriends ex-boyfriend who lived nearby. When this individual realized my son was parked nearby he and a friend approached the vehicle and shot him through the window. Apparently he and my son had words only weeks before and this individual had at that time threatened to kill my son if he didn't break things off with his girlfriend. My son and his girlfriend were living together and had been a couple for close to 6 months. My son refused to leave her and was killed for it. Killed over jealousy! Did this individual get the girl in the end! Of course not, so what was the purpose of ending a life and ruining so many others including your own!

Well the next few weeks were beyond mere words , unbearable if not for friends and family. Filled with hugs, tears, pain, anger and fear. So many people wanting to help but not knowing how. Bless them all for trying! What can you say to someone who has lost a loved one especially in such a violent way. The words are few. My comfort came more from the arms around me, just having others by my side. I can give you a small list of things NOT to ever say. Words or phrases that made me angry or upset! He's in a better place! (No! No! No! His place is here with me! ) At least he didn't suffer! (How do you know, were you there did you fill his pain!) I'm so sorry I can only imagine how you must feel! ( NO! Not even in your wildest imagination can you even come close!) But you know what that's perfectly alright, because thank God it means you never had to go through it! Better to say I have no idea how you must feel and count your blessings.

Why and how is it possible for a young man to get his hands on an AK47. For those of you who may not know, this is a gun that was created in Russia as a military weapon. This is not a gun one would use for sport such as hunting. It was designed with one thing in mind, to kill the enemy. How do guns like this get on our streets. How can our government allow these type of weapons to be licensed and legal. If you need this type of gun to kill a deer than maybe you should give up hunting until you can improve your accuracy. Whether legal or illegal these guns should not be in the hands of civilians. They do not leave you merely injured, they leave you dead!

What has happened to the compassion and the morals of mankind. What can we do to make a difference? Will mankind kill each other off until there is nothing left. Every country has there problems, always have and always will. I appreciate each and every soldier who has fought for our country and those who have given their lives for us! You may not agree with my next statement and that's o.k. I would like to know why our country sends our men to fight for another country when ours is falling down around us! Maybe the war right here in the USA , in our communities have not impacted your life but trust me it's real. I grew up an all American girl. I have always tried to do the right thing and make the right decisions (stumbling along the way or straying slightly from the path). My son was a typical young American just trying to do the best he could and now he is gone! I guess what I am trying to say is, if it could happen to us it could happen to you!
Shootings, stabbings, rapes, beatings and so much more. We can no longer send our children to school without fear. We can't shop without fear. We can't even let our guards down in our own homes without fear. Sounds like war to me. War is about pride and principals, right and wrong, protecting the quality of life! It is about fear and unfortunately death. War is a means of protecting ourselves from the enemy. We have all heard the old saying, clean off your own front porch before trying to clean your neighbors. Well in my opinion that's exactly what our government chooses to do! Why not invest our American dollars into cleaning up our front porch! I must admit I have never been a political person. I have always felt that being a little fish in a sea of sharks wouldn't make a difference anyway. I know I sound like I am anti government but that's not the case. I am a frustrated over whelmed human being who believes in America but is disappointed in the decisions that are made on my behalf. Made on our behalf. I am not highly educated by any means but it doesn't take a degree to figure out that changes need to be made if we are to survive and to remain the #1country in the Nation.

I am dealing with the legal system regarding the death of my son and I have learned a lot. Unfortunately most of it has been negative. Yes there is a lot of red tape and laws that need to be followed which I can understand, but a lot of what I have dealt with up to this point has been about convenience for the attorney's and the courts. With little regard for us the family. The crime took place in Washington state and I reside in Tennessee, so every time they set up a new trial date or hearing I have to fly up there and back (why not stay there you ask? Because it has already been over a year and who knows how much longer and I still need to try and live a so called normal life). They can not let me know until a few days before or the day of, if it will be postponed because they say there are so many things to take into consideration and that things often change at the last minute. So I go in fear of missing the trial. I have to be there to represent my son! So I try to get myself ready mentally, I keep buying plane tickets(discount fares, non refundable) and traveling across the country just to have it all rescheduled again. One hearing I and my family attended was rescheduled because the defendant's attorney had a family obligation for that specific date and it just wouldn't work for him. Talk about angry! I was seething! I flew close to three thousand miles spending money I didn't have and spent weeks preparing myself mentally for my son's justice and he has a family obligation! This is just one of the many ironies I have had to face. Well you are probably wondering has it taken place yet. I wish I could say yes, but the one scheduled for May has now been changed to mid July. At least this time I was given advance notice before I purchased another ticket. As the Mother of this crime I was made a victim but the courts call it a crime against the state. Then they in turn treat you as if your just a curious by stander. In speaking with the prosecuting attorney I have asked, begged, pleaded and let it be known that I have to travel and to please make it known to the judge so in can be taken into consideration but to no avail. I feel more victimized as time goes on. I just want to get through this with a few shards of my sanity still intact!

So I hope this glimpse into my world gives you some insight. Whether you rethink the last time you told your child how proud you are of them and how much love them, maybe through your compassion toward others in the near future or just an inside brief of what goes on behind the court doors. Perhaps just a bit of knowledge about us parents who are trying to cope with the loss of a child. Let it be known there is no bond stronger than that of a Mother and Child. I now live my life one day at a time and pray for strength to carry on! I would give my life to hold him just one more time! Peace To All and May God Bless America!