Guys Please Read: Best Valentine's Gifts for Girls

We know, we know. You just escaped certain doom at Christmas with a present you pulled out by the skin of your teeth, and your wallet. Now retailers have joined forces to pry those few remaining dollars away from your budget by telling your favorite females that love means swag. Happy Valentine's Day, fellas.

Still, the inescapable truth is - if you want the ladies to stick around you're going to have to learn language of love, or at least Valentine's Day. Here are some of the best ideas to survive this Valentine's Day and still have a girlfriend on February 15.

Two Become One With Newman MP3 Players

If you're not ready for mushy, go for cutesy. Slip around the "I love you" this Valentine's Day with the Newman's kissing hearts MP3 player. Separately, the pieces vaguely resemble two profile faces. When they "kiss" they make a heart. Play, stop, and forward controls are designed as the face details. By Chinese manufacturer Newman, this MP3 player duo uses an Ali M5667 chipset and will support both MP3 and WMA formats. Bonus? You score a cool, artsy MP3 player for yourself. Unless they've seen the pieces together, your friends will probably never figure out your MP3 player's cheesy past.

Sweets That Aren't Boring

Chocolate's a no brainer. But no brainer's don't win many points with the ladies. Personalized chocolate cards in keep-sake tins do. Straight from the UK comes Bossco's (http://www.bossco.co.uk) delicious chocolate cards. You can choose a design online or upload your own design for a truly unique Valentine's Day gift.

Creative Chocolates of Vermont (creativechocolatesofvt.com) has built an entire world of chocolate creations for gift-baskets without the boring. Choose from chocolate versions of real food, like the Chocolate TV Dinner which looks like an ordinary frozen hamburger patty with sides of mashed potatoes, peas and carrots and dessert all in a black TV dinner tray. A combination of chocolate and candy, everything is edible and much tastier than a TV dinner. Chocolate CDs, chocolate laptops and a variety of gift basket options ensure you'll find something sweet to suit your date.

Jewelry Alternatives

This Valentine's Day, go for a twist on the classic jewelry concept to really catch your girl's eye, and heart. Miniature jewelry boxes, both antique and modern designs, come in a variety of designs and use materials form affordable to ridiculously expensive. Miniature animals, clocks with musical chimes, Egyptian tombs, and glamorous purses have all been inspiration for these jeweled knickknacks. Unique jewelry boxes can become family keepsakes long after jewelry styles fade from fashion.

Buy Her the Whole Fragrance Department

Choosing a fragrance can be a tricky thing, even for long-term couples. Yet few things are as personal, as classy, as giving you Valentine designer perfume. Sephora offers a brilliant sampler gift set which makes this gift a success for any man. The set comes with tiny, designer bottles of eight different fragrances. Your Valentine can try each one, carry the cute little bottle around in her purse to show off, and decide which fragrance smells best on her skin without the smelly, stressed environment of a perfume counter. After your Valentine has had time to fully explore each fragrance she can trade a special coupon in for a full bottle of her choice. More than a gift, this Valentine's package offers your date a fragrance experience, and all for around $50.

Cheap Thrills for You and Her

What says love more than watching your girl's wrist tenderly supported by luscious silver breasts? Anime inspired mousepads by BustyMousepads.com feature a sweet, cartoon Anime girl with a supple support system for those long computer hours. This gag gift is a great laugh but also cool enough that she might actually use it. You know, if she's that kind of girl. Pair it with a miniature red heart mouse: $6 at SourcingMap.com.

Narrate your date into your wildest fantasies with a personalized romance novel. Choose from a variety of themes at Booksbyyou.com including the cheesy pirate/wench plot or characters from a more modern time period. You fill in details, like your names, hair and eye colors, body builds, and pet names (for some plots). Booksbyyou.com fills in the remainder and sends you a bound romance novel just like the ones filling the bookstore shelves. Except this one has real characters - you and your Valentine. Serious? No. But this Valentine gift is a hilarious way to spice up your personal life.

For a really cheap thrill, as in free, hook your girl up with a personalized striptease video by JibJab.com. The tame video clip lets you spoof your face on the stripper and your girl's face on the mate. Watch it together for a good laugh and pray it was funny enough that she forgot how much she loves Tiffany's.