Guys and Relationships

When it comes to men and relationships usually the first thing that comes to mind is men's sex drive. Articles and guides boast to help men improve their performance in bed and articles purport to tell women how to keep their men pleased with headlines like "10 moves to make your guy go crazy in bed" or for guys they have "Get better sex now" or "5 days to better sex" but what about the emotional angle? What about the everyday guy who wants to love and be loved? Where are the articles from him? I am lucky, being a guy I get access to what most women and psychiatrists would love to hear: uninhibited bro talk. In one of our recent stand around and talk sessions (which happen more often than you think ladies) we were talking about the struggles of dating women and being a guy in modern relationships. Let's face it, with the advent of women's liberation how people act in modern relationships has radically changed and men have changed accordingly. You won't find a lot of advice about how to tell when your relationship is falling apart or finding when to leave but rather I'd like to discuss a deeper level about how men feel in certain situations.

Times have changed
I can't say that enough. Men have long been characterized on TV as neanderthals and unsophisticated oafs at best. Our society does not idealize sophisticated complex men who have several and differing needs. These attitudes have permeated the wild world of modern dating. But the fact is, times have changed. As a result of the feminist movement guys are expressing their feelings about women more easily in our modern age. Don't mistake these admissions for gushing, lifetime-movie-esque, effluvious confessions of love, but it has become more acceptable. This confessional nature has also taken hold in bedroom matters, work matters, and life in general. This is especially acute among the under 25 crowd who are used to having variety in their lives and having an atmosphere of free expression.

In my observations there is also a kind of frustration with modern relationships in that we, as men, don't quite know what our place is anymore. Even our Fathers were very much expected to take the lead in a romantic relationship and now in our modern age where it is just as acceptable for a girl to ask a guy on a date as it is for a guy to do the same, men just don't quite know where they fit. To compensate for this broken social normality, ladies, communication is needed. Tell you man how you want him to proceed. Hints don't work (ask your mother, sister, aunt, grandmother, or girlfriend) and so you have to open your mouth and speak your mind. I know you can do it. What are men facing today? Thats complicated. . .

Getting with that girl...

This is probably the highest mountain any man will climb. Work and career are hurdles themselves and getting that car, that promotion, that house are all difficulties. But getting THAT girl, the right girl, the one and keeping her and marrying her is the hardest thing a man will ever do and the men I talk to feel that way about this unique struggle. They know what it takes and it takes a special kind of man to get that special kind of girl that is right for him. Despite the fact it seems like nice guys finish last and the bad boys get all the girls, things tend to come out in the wash in the end.

She cheated on me....

A lot of guys I talk to know that treating women right is a huge component to keeping them happy and is generally a litmus test of the kind of man he is. Men hope that treating her like a goddess will save him from the heartache of betrayal. So when she cheats, and he has put himself out to keep her a lot of guys I hear from feel bewildered and listless. They second guess their decisions and get apprehensive about future relationships. The advice here should be clear to even the most dense, if your eye is wandering, don't just cheat, find out what is wrong with your relationship.

Commitment and going to the next level...

This one is for the guys and the girls still reading this article. A lot of men I speak to don't know where there relationship is or where they stand in the girl's life. This leaves both parties feeling lost and men feeling like they don't matter or that they are being used for sex and money. The only advice I will give in this article is that both parties need to make their intentions known and keep that line of conversation open at all times that way false expectations are not created. Alternatively, if things are getting serious, open communication will let both parties know how things serious are, or are not.

It's not all about sex...

Men do have sexual needs and most men have very strong sexual needs but I also find men have an emotional side to them as well. That means that their hearts need to be pleased as well. Pleasing them emotionally and physically will help your relationship because he will feel happy and fulfilled. What does that involve ladies?Letting him have his stupid hobby, letting him hang out with the guys on poker night or at the bar, and all the stuff he likes to do that helps him recharge and cope with life. When he is having trouble at work don't pester, be supportive because that is when he needs you the most. That does not mean sitting next to him and asking questions like Oprah, it means cooking that favorite meal or doing a favorite activity together.

Let's not get too hopeful here. There will still be one night stands, guys who cheat, and prostitution. But in our modern men, women, and every variation are standing up for their sexual rights and their right to seek out positive, sexual, adult relationships and that means approaching boudoir matters is more of an equal partnership rather than some kind of one-sided blame game or something that is just not talked about.

Wrapping it up

Men are like onions and have a variety of layers and this article tried to uncover a few of those layers for men and their ladies. If anyone's relationship improves and if anyone is helped by this article then it is not in vain but rather, has served its purpose very well. Men, be good to your ladies, and ladies help your men and you both will benefit from a positive and healthy relationship.