Haiku: Pensive

Heidi Bitsoli
Heidi Bitsoli, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Nov 5, 2009 "Share your voice on Yahoo! websites. Start Here."
The words elude me
today. Will you listen to
my silence instead?

Published by Heidi Bitsoli

I'm happiest at home with my husband, three cats and dog; in a good bookstore with a hot latte; or in my garden tending to my herbs. Right now I'm in freelance mode, and enjoying the chance to explore and wr...  View profile

6 Comments

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  • David A. Reinstein, LCSW11/6/2009

    PS: Cody's comments, while technically correct, are like trying to apply rules of syntax to open expression. Haiku IS a specific form, but even traditional forms can sometimes benefit from being 'stretched.'

  • David A. Reinstein, LCSW11/6/2009

    One powerful set of 17 syllables!

  • Heidi Bitsoli11/6/2009

    I have some constructive criticism!

  • Cody R.11/5/2009

    sorry. the spacing didn't quite show on the post.
    the poem might read:
    The words/
    elude me today./
    Will you/
    listen to/
    my silence/
    instead?/

  • Cody R.11/5/2009

    this shouldn't be a haiku. a real haiku has the first two lines and then the third is related but is not a continuation of the sentence. also the poem is quite literally two sentences. you should make them into a free verse poem. the wrapping of the sentences on the next line to conform to a syllable-scheme is unbecoming. try:

    The words
    elude me today.
    Will you
    listen to
    my silence
    instead?

    this way every word of every line means something and it gets a little more to your point. .....
    if you want

  • Ranee Wright11/5/2009

    :~)

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