Halloween Costumes with an NFL Theme

Dracula sucks! Why go with a vampire costume this Halloween, that vein was tapped out long ago. A werewolf? That should be an endangered species as far as Halloween costumes go. Frankenstein? That doctor should be sued for malpractice.

Why not be creative with your Halloween costume if you're going to have one? And with millions of football fans in the U.S. and around the world, why not go with an NFL themed Halloween costume this year?

With the Pacman Jones flap in the offseason, you could go trick or treating or to your Halloween party as the Tennessee Titans' suspended cornerback. Just find a dreadlock wig, or for that matter, take a kitchen mop and dye it black ala In Living Color's Wayans brothers in the 90's impersonating Milli Vanilli. Just don't be surprised if the NFL's gumshoes follow you on your route. Then don a Titans jersey, cop an attitude and voila! Of course, if you go trick or treating, don't be surprised if you get showered with candy only to be told that it was just for effect and be expected to return the candy. Make it rain!

Another possibility for a 2007 Halloween costume is to carry a video camera around while wearing a hoodie. The Bill Belichick costume might not go over too big in New York, however. The Jets must feel like that 80's song by one-hit wonder Rockwell. You know, "I always feel like somebody's watching me".

One could go as San Diego Head Coach Norv Turner. Norv, with a career winning percentage of just over 40% in three NFL stops has long been suspected of masquerading as an NFL Head Coach. This Halloween costume is not recommended in Washington, D.C., Oakland, or San Diego, as you might be told "trick" instead of treated.

Jets fans could don a dunce cap and go as Head Coach Eric Mangini. Mangini, dubbed "Man-genius" last season is being called less printable terms just a year later. After all, remember the immortal words of former NFL star Joe Theisman, who said: "the term genius should be reserved for guys like Norman Einstein".

Giant fans could go as The Shadow, as Quarterback Eli Manning will forever be in the shadow of big brother Peyton.

A David Carr costume would be fairly simple. Just get a sack large enough to cover most of your body. Carr, who is well on his way to breaking Rob "Paper or Plastic" Johnson's record as the most sacked QB in NFL history. Of course if you choose this costume, know that any candy you throw will probably be intercepted.

One could go as Dallas receiver Terrell Owens. Just beware that however many goodies you haul in, agent Drew Rosenhaus will want to hold out for more. Also, if using this Halloween costume, wear gloves as most oblong objects have trouble sticking to TO's hands.

Speaking of the Cowboys, a Jerry Jones costume would be good for this Halloween. Better get a mask, though. Trying to use makeup would be tough. After that facelift a few years ago, the only thing in the NFL tighter than Jones' face has laces and the commishioners' signature on it.

In Detroit, a good costume would be defensive line coach Joe Cullen. Cullen, who was arrested last year for going through a Wendy's drive through in suburban Dearborn.....nude. My first thought upon reading about this was if the attendant asked "do you want to biggie size that?" Of course, an added benefit would be to help the Motor City regain it's rightful place as the most crime ridden city in the U.S. Detroiters would again be able to truthfully say "We're #1!" with feeling.

Don't bother with a Bill Parcells outfit, that's more suitable for Christmas. Ebeneezer Scrooge is not usually associated with Halloween.

A Dudley Do-Right outfit would be close enough to pass for Tom Brady, who apparently completes lots of passes off the field as well.

Another possibility is a Miami Dolphin uniform. The only outfit offering less resistance than the Dolphins' defense this year is the French Army. If you wear this costume, expect to get bullied.

If wearing a Cincinnati Bengal uni to the costume party, be sure and include the handcuffs. One of the Bengals' colors is orange and their uniform includes stripes. It's been said that part of the Bengals' rookie orientation is to include the number of the team bail bondsman to put on speed dial.

If you're brave enough, you could dress as a fire hydrant with an Atlanta Falcon #7 on it. Might want to take your pepper spray as Michael Vick has replaced Newman from Seinfeld as Public Enemy #1 in the canine world. My 11 year old Malamute, Kramer, knows all too well about incurring the wrath of the dog world. Every chocolate lab for miles has been stalking him since last November.

Well, that's 13 ideas for Halloween costumes, as in Friday the 13th. And if you use the Joe Cullen costume, please don't call me to bail you out. I made it out of Detroit alive once this year and I'm not pushing my luck. Happy Halloween!