Handling Borderline Personality Disorder Rages: 5 Secrets for Their Loved Ones

Rages of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) sufferers involve a different kind of anger. It is often described as intense anger to something trivial. The emotional outbursts are displaced or unwarranted in a given situation. Witnesses to these rages describe the anger as inappropriate, frequent, overwhelming and abusive.

What are the things that may set off someone with Borderline Personality Disorder?

It is difficult to pinpoint any particular set of situation that triggers rages among Borderlines. However, the common thread is the display of anger without boundaries, which to the Borderlines are very justified.

In the world of a Borderline, the pain is intense and real. Borderlines feel that their loved ones are neglecting their physical and emotional needs, bringing up powerful feelings of victimization. To their loved ones, BPD sufferers appear to be revengeful. To Borderline Personality Disorder sufferers, their rages shield and protect them from further pain.

The loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder are emotionally exhausted with the rages. The loved ones go through these episodes several times a day. Curses, swears, yelling, screaming, throwing stuff, picking fights are common. These are infantile behaviors carried by the Borderlines to adulthood. Borderlines feel unheard and emotionally abandoned. Lashing at you, they experience relief and vindication. On a daily basis, these outbursts are emotionally draining.

The Borderlines feel a right to their rages; an appearance of a sugary taste of privilege. Even if they have moments of reflection to think about their rages and how it hurts their loved ones, their pride and fear give them an excuse to carry on. They rationalize to themselves that they are emotional weak to make better choices than not to hurt their loved ones.

Borderlines have an unconscious trust with their spouses, children or parents, thus, they do not hesitate to construct emotional trash cans out of their loved ones. Their sickness confuses their brain, thus their emotions are very unregulated. If left to their mood swings, their rages appear to be evil and intentional.

Borderlines seem unwilling to take responsibility for their love. They are perceived by their loved ones to give up easily to their torments and find it excusable to rage. They claim that they are too sick to do anything about their rages. To protest to everything and everyone require less effort than to succumb to the sacrifice required of loving someone and respecting their boundaries.

A Borderline who had sought help in counseling can minimize these rages. In counseling, the following will be taught to the Borderlines:

First, tools to verbalize their infantile emotions of tantrums will be introduced. They will be taught the adult way to articulate their trauma in the past. Secondly, Borderlines will scrutinize their past and identify childhood experiences of abandonment, fear, neglect, and insults. Borderlines will be taught to replace these feelings of rejection without having to resort to intense anger. Thirdly, Borderlines will identify their stress triggers and connect these with their past way of coping so that they will redirect their current circumstances without getting too impulsive. Fourth, in Christian healing, evil will be not be replaced by another evil; an insult not with another insult. Thus, they will be encouraged to pray for their feelings of injustices.

If your Borderline loved one refuses to seek help, you cannot pretend the rage episodes do not affect you.

1. Refuse to be an emotional trash can

Know that you have a choice. You do not have to be an emotional trash can to anyone. Therapists are trained to handle the emotional garbage of a person and to redirect this productively in healing. Practice the dialogue that will relay the message to your Borderline loved one that it is time to see their therapist.

2.Avoid being a confidante

When you confide what makes you happy or sad to a Borderline, the Borderline does not take these gestures to symbolize personal trust. When they feel insulted and misunderstood, they cannot distinguish their emotions. Your secrets will be a great arsenal for a Borderline to attack you. Control the urge to share sensitive personal information. Be wary that talking mindlessly about your feelings and thoughts reveal your hot buttons.

A toddler, even if appearing attentive, cannot be expected to understand the nuances of life. You have to water it down. Their emotional immaturity inhibits them from processing and comprehending many situations. Similarly, emotions that make them feel bad get enmeshed in the BPD rages.

3.Do not engage in their drama

Recognize the bodily signals to their stress. You do not need to shout back, insult them, or cry with them. Drama has been effective for your Borderlines in the past to get people's attention. Borderlines move to a primitive stage when under a lot of stress. Like a frightened child, drama becomes their outlet.

Remove yourself from the firing zone immediately. Remember, your commitment to love a Borderline doesn't mean a sentence to emotional death on a daily basis. It takes practice to disconnect emotionally from drama. In fact, it is empowering.

4.Avoid public places

Though Borderlines will not consciously choose a public place in their rages, an audience will not stop them to pick a fight with you when something disturbs them. It is either they act impulsively unmindful of the spectators or they do not see anything wrong with public display. Losing it in public augments the string of failures in their life, it makes them feel sicker and depressed. Avoid it until the therapist can train your Borderline with positive skills set to handle stress triggers.

5.Find serenity, peace, calmness and solitude

When they start to lash out at you, be prepared to act to find your own place of solitude. You cannot be calm when someone is very upset and losing control of their emotions.

Borderlines may criticize your physical appearance to get an emotional response. Borderlines may malign your manhood, job and accomplishments. These standard baits hoover you to a reaction, just like a toddler will seek attention from their parents. Unfortunately, it is a no-win situation when your Borderline starts to rage. It is like the suction mechanism of a tornado, so fast and devastating. There is not enough time to save yourself unless you are prepared beforehand.

Take deep, slow breaths so you can calm down. Continue to count and breathe to a steady, slow rhythm to lower your stress level. You will be sucked to react to the violent outbursts.

Do not attempt to be heroic and try to diffuse the rages of a Borderline. In a calm soothing voice, tell them how sorry you feel gently reminding them of your agreement to seek solitude in moments of chaos. You will continually feel powerless when you allow abusive behaviors.

Conclusion

Borderline Personality Disorder sufferers, in therapy, are taught to be accountable. The gamut of emotions, during a rage, consist partly of their childish fears and hurts . They feel very powerless in their rages. Borderlines get confused on what their brain is telling them and what they are feeling at the same time. Thus, consistent therapy is needed to assist them to get in touch with their innermost feelings so they won't be prisoners of these emotions.

As the caretaker of a BPD loved one, their emotional rages poke holes in your heart. You have to remind yourself constantly of your human limitations. In periods of rages, leaving the scene allows you to calm down and be safe while it allows your Borderline loved one permission to vent without hurting you. As adults, it will take practice for your Borderline to get into their inner child to remind them that they are worthy to be loved. But, you cannot do it for them.

The main secret to deal with the rages of someone with Borderline is to find a safe place where you can remain at peace. In solitude, you can learn to pray. For you cannot pray and hate a person at the same time.