Handling a Mouthy Kid

My favorite part of being a mother is back talking and mouthing off. Doesn't everyone love it when your child treats you like you're a complete moron? Fun, fun, fun. Now that you have avoided smacking them upside the head, what can be done to get this wonderful display of disrespect stopped? Well you probably won't ever get it stopped, but hopefully you can get it under control before you go insane.

Honestly, when my children start mouthing off, my first instinct is to laugh. Just the idea that they think they can come out on top in a verbal battle makes me smile. On the few occasions that I couldn't control the urge to laugh, I ended up making them even angrier, but the mouthing off stopped. I guess they couldn't come up with more to say in the face of laughter. Obviously they realized I wasn't offended or angry, and if I remember my own teen experience correctly, that's the whole point. It's just another version of a temper tantrum. Hey I laughed at my children's temper tantrums too. Hey, at least they are using their brains when they back talk, unlike a hissy fit. I know I'm a bit odd.

Once I have either quit laughing or at least gotten over the urge to laugh, I make sure to discuss their behavior with them. I know from experience that sometimes things come flying out of your mouth seemingly out of your control. That is another thing to keep in mind when dealing with children and teen's, they just haven't developed a filter from their brain to their mouths. For them mouthing off is a form of communication, a bad one, but communication all the same. Teach your children that talking back is not only rude, but also disrespectful and probably not the best way to get your point across. I've seen plenty of adults who haven't learned this lesson, people who still think mouthing off is an appropriate way to communicate. Lets hope we can get this point across to our children.

When one of my children mouths off, I try to calm them down. Well after I have stopped laughing. Pointing out that there are better ways to talk to me works better once they have calmed down. Now try to carry on a normal toned conversation with me. This can be hard because as children they may not have the words in which case you will have to supply them, and as teenagers they don't have the emotional restraint down pat yet. You really need to have patients dealing with either case. As the adult it's your job to set the tone of the conversation and to stop back talking as it starts. Obviously there is an emotion behind the mouth, ask questions and find out what the issue is.

Losing your temper is the last thing you want to do. When you get to that point first you don't accomplish anything and second you are showing your children that it's all right to be out of control, which is the stem of the back talk in the first place. If I find myself losing my temper I put myself in time out. Once I've calmed down I can go back and let my children know I will not tolerate that kind of disrespect especially if I haven't disrespected them.

Children are going to mouth off and talk back. They are asserting their independence as well as losing control; the trick is not letting it get to you. For me I really don't worry about the mouthing off, hey it's just them letting me know how they are feeling. As long as my kids are getting done what I wanted them to get done, realize the back talking is not going to turn a "No" into a "yes", and understand that I'm not going to tolerate them getting to disrespectful. Encourage their respect for you by showing them respect and be consistent, this is only a phase and it will pass.