Handling Toddler Tantrums
Tantrums at this age are nearly always caused by frustration. It isn't a good idea to give your toddler everything she wants, so how do you deal with her? It really depends on what she is carrying on about. For example, if she is upset because you didn't drop everything right away to read her a story, you might try telling her that once she is calm, you will read to her. If it was over a cookie that you don't want her to have, explain that cookies are for after lunch not before.
Once you have the reasoning bit out of the way, it is quite likely that your child will continue with her tantrum, kicking, screaming and possibly even banging her head against the floor or wall. This can be horribly frightening to a parent (and hard to explain the next day when your little one has a big goose egg on her forehead!), but it is all quite normal. The reason your toddler reacts this way is because she doesn't know how else to express herself.
The best way to handle tantrums is to ignore them. They are a form of manipulation, if your child sees that you react rapidly when she starts a tantrum, then she will simply repeat the behavior! So, instead, teach her that it is better to let you know calmly what she wants. Do this by ignoring the bad behavior and rewarding good behavior.
Obviously, if your toddler is bashing her head into the tile floor, you don't want to ignore this behavior! But don't give in either. Instead, calmly pick her up from behind (so she can't kick you hard) and carry her into her room. Put her into the crib and let her know that once she is calmed down she is welcome to call you and join the rest of the family again. Then leave her alone. There is nothing wrong with leaving a child of this age in her crib and she can't hurt herself there.
Never leave a child in the middle of a tantrum on the sofa or adult bed, she could throw herself off and really get hurt. The crib or a soft playpen is the best place to let her wear herself out.
After two minutes, reenter the room and ask if she is ready to come out and join the rest of you. There are two ways this could go. Your toddler (who might have been calm) could strike up the tantrum again or could stop crying and hold out her arms to be picked up. If the tantrum starts up again, leave her for another two minutes. However, a child who calms down is ready to be taken back into the living room or kitchen and talked to.
You might explain that her tantrum doesn't help anything because you can't understand her screaming. Instead, suggest that she point out what she wants. Or you might prefer to leave the incident behind you and distract your toddler with a toy or some other activity.
By repeatedly ignoring the tantrums that your toddler throws, you ensure that she knows it is useless behavior. Protect her from hurting herself and let her flail around for a while. You should see a rapid decrease in the number of tantrums once your child realizes that they don't achieve anything.
Published by Nila Andreas
I am a single mom of a ten year old girl and am studying to be a teacher. View profile
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5 Comments
Post a CommentWe had a situation, my 2 year old daughter refused to listen to us and would have terrible tantrums. Our problem was resolved, thankfully! My best friend, who's hubby is a Doctor, recommended this program... http://tiny.cc/parentingpotential This program was a small miracle for us and now I finally understand why my best friend, who is also a parent of two twin toddlers girls and a one year old boy, is always so laid back and in control, while I was ready to pull my hair out, lol! You should definitely check it out. A must have for parents. Good luck with everything :)
I don't agree with this advice. They are frustrated and need to know you care. Look up Dr. Sears advice on Temper Tantrums. Under the age of 2, holding the toddler is usually an appropriate response. They are not trying to manipulate you by becoming frustrated, they can't always help it and it is our job as parents to help them through the tantrum. They will grow out of tantrums whether you ignore them or help them.
excellent article, I deal with toddlers everyday in my daycare, some of which throw awful tantrums. I've learned to just ignore them, and they eventually stop. good job on this! thanks for the info :)
I have a very bright boy. But the frustration he feels when the most favorite person leaves and he sees his dad going to work is so hard. My son wouldn't stop bashing his head being put into his cot, being left alone. He'd bash his head over the wall ( because the cot is next to the wall ) and over the wooden cot itself. I tried to ignore and i tried to comfort him by anything (food, books, toys...) But if he's upset for any reason ( the worst for him is when his dad leaves) nothing can stop him for at least 30 minutes. Once i even tried to repeat his actions - needed to see his reaction. And when he saw his mum being upset and banging her head (obviousely pretending), he run to me, tried to pick me up from the floor - pulling my shoulders, stopped crying and screaming and gave me a very strong cuddle. That's so interesting. He maybe expects the same reaction from me. I don't think i'm not giving him enough attention. I am not sure what's the best thing to do. it's so hard. And his poo
Either tantrums are caused by frustration, or they are manipulation--one or the other. Tantrums can be used for manipulation--for a child to get their way. However, most of the time, they are caused by frustration and by the parent expecting too much of a child or not meeting their needs. I can tell you that the bulk of my son's temper tantrum happen when he is hungry, tired, or sick. At that time he doesn't need me to ignore him; he needs me to feed him, put him down for a nap, give him medicine--comfort him, meet his needs. If he's doing it just get his way, then I ignore it--or find a way to distract him, take his mind off of whatever he's going on about. This was good advice overall, but I felt like more should be said than "ignore it."