Handshakes and Shined Shoes

Comedian Flip Wilson's character Geraldine often said "What you see is what you get." The expression carries a lot of truth in our dealings with people every day. At an early age, my father began to teach me that we create our own first impressions with others by how we look and interact with them. My father believed that a person's handshake tells a lot about them. A firm handshake from someone who looks the other person directly in the eyes is initially a confidence and trust generating gesture. On the other hand, a person who limply or unenthusiastically shakes hands with someone and avoids eye contact makes the receiver feel uncomfortable and less likely to trust that person at first. The truth of those first impressions plays out over time.

Another part of my father's initial assessment of people was their shoes. He believed that a pair of well shined shoes said a lot about the individual's self image. While part of this belief came from his growing up as the son of a shoe manufacturer, he always kept his own leather shoes shined and was observant of others' shoes. In my dealing with people I've come to have a better understanding and respect for these two pieces of advice. I expect to receive as firm a handshake as I give and to have eye contact with the person. In my experience, there is truth in my father's assessment of a person's handshake. When I shake hands with someone and it's like shaking a wet fish, a red flag immediately raises in my mind that this person may be less than trustworthy - and the flag is generally worth heeding. When the handshake I receive is firm and we have eye contact, I feel confident about the person's character. It is worth adding that this assessment system is far from 100% accurate.

However, it is a good starting point. Shined shoes are a habit with me. Between my father and 8 years in the military, shined shoes were a part of my every day ritual and are still a prerequisite for looking my best. In the Air Force, I came to recognize that highly shined shoes were an outward mark of a confident, professional and squared away airman or officer. In the civilian work force, I believe that well shined shoes are the mark of a professional employee. When I entered the Air Force, my father advised me to be careful in choosing the people I associated with. At that point in my life I had three gauges judging a stranger's character - their handshake, shoes and my own gut feelings. By and large, this combination worked well as a starting point in choosing friends then - and it still works today.

People who take care of themselves and the way the look are generally the same people who greet other people with a firm handshake. They are usually genuine and honest, without pretense. These folks would be the first to agree with Geraldine - what you see is what you get.