Happy Happy

i want to be happy
i want to be sweet
i want to be all of the things that you said that i
never could be
i want to be sparkly
sunlight and grace
i want to go out in the dark and not fear
what i might have to face
i want to put on my combat boots
stomp on the ground
where you walked and step back
as it opens up wide
and devours the everything
all
that you were and
then quietly
ladylike
sweep it back closed
and skip in my mary janes
off to a soft patch
of grass
and lie down in the flowers
and drift off to sleep
without you
in my head.