Happy Holiday Season?

You can feel the change in the air. Not merely the temperatures outside but the overwhelming sense of reflection, thanks and sentimentality. Watch television any time of the day after Halloween and the 'feel good family time' is evident in commercials as is the holidays they're trying to push in our direction. The stores are starting their pre-holiday sales, any reason for a day sale, etc. Just come in to the store, spend out of your means, go into debt but get that big screen television you've always wanted or the I-Pod for your kids. You all know the drill, materialism at its finest.

I can't say that I'm any different. I get all caught up in the frenzy as quickly as the next person. I love the holiday season. I go overboard with gifts year after year. It's what I do but something occurred to me the other day. No, this isn't the part of the story where my heart grew three sizes larger. Within my travels I've talked to countless people of all different backgrounds, religions, sexual preferences, people who love the holidays or those who absolutely detest this time of year. There seems to be less and less middle ground when it comes to the holiday season. I'm not referring to the religious aspect but just the generalization of what these couple of months seems to do to people's psyche.

In talking to a few folks the other day it occurred to me how fortunate I've been throughout my life. I loved my parents and they loved me. I didn't come from a broken home, verbal or sexual abuse. I had a rather normal childhood, up to the age of ten. But this isn't really about me. I have very few friends that have been as fortunate as I. Children of divorce or separation, children of death, children of trauma, children who didn't have the happy normal childhood I was fortunate enough to be blessed with. Don't get the impression that my life has been a cakewalk. I don't know anyone who's really had a 'normal' Ozzie And Harriet upbringing. I don't believe that fantasy has been a reality in the past 30 to 40 years. Sure, it looked great on T.V. and was the ideal but in this world of realism it just doesn't wash. We've all got our own stories, our own dramas, our own tragedies and heartbreaks. No one is immune. Not even writers such as I. With the holiday season fast approaching, actually the Christmas decorations started appearing in stores in September some things are just impossible to ignore any further.

Though this has been labeled as the 'season of giving,' that sentiment is much harder for some than others. Whether it is a direct result of childhood is anyone's guess. You would have to ask a psychologist about that one. Maybe it's just a matter of laziness. Who wants to fight the crowds? It's such a bother putting up a Christmas tree. No one wants to spend weeks in the kitchen baking desserts, stuffing a turkey or baking a ham. Things have become too expensive. People have become too materialistic. Maybe it stems from the fear of realizing everyone really is alone in this world, or maybe it's the horrifying fact that you will be spending the holidays with your families. Everyone has their own story and reasons for celebrating or not celebrating the holidays.

I've learned a great deal more from total strangers than I have from friends. Most likely because I already know their life stories and they know mine. I have come to realize that I seem to be in the minority of that 'normal' childhood I mentioned earlier. I never occurred to me when I was young that someday I may not be speaking with my parents (for whatever reason) or siblings. That the family ties that bind and apron strings would become so strained that normal conversation would be impossible. That idea was unfathomable to me when I was younger. But now that I'm older and have spoken to a wider variety of people I've realized it's actually become the 'norm.' And we wonder and ponder why people become 'Scrooge' at this time of the year. I suppose there is a self imposed mechanism within all of us that like a light switched can be turned on and off. We turn the pain of reality off and ignore November and December like the plague. We long for New Year's in hopes that the year ahead is a thousand times better than the one we're leaving behind. We all do it every year. We wish for a better year ahead. But does it every really materialize? Who can say? Maybe it's just Father Time playing a cruel game on us all: it's called growing up.

When I was a kid I wanted everything on the television for Christmas. I didn't care what it was, a toy, a bike, a game, I wanted it. Of course I never got it all. Maybe that's the problem today. Everyone does seem to get everything they want. Now I'm not slamming the parents for spoiling their kids. I suppose to some that's part of being a parent, making sure your children don't want for anything. As a child I'm sure most of the parents today had to go without. Their parents made less money than people make now. Things certainly weren't as expensive as things are now and they didn't have the technology we have now ten years ago never mind twenty or thirty years on. I suppose I've come to that crossroad in my space and time where I've become truly grateful for the things I have and not so feverishly needy for the things I don't. I have no idea when this happened or how. I just know there has been a shift. There is a sentimentality now that tugs at my heartstrings when I see heartwarming things. Not that my heart was made of stone before but like everyone else I was always involved and still am actually in my own dramas. After all we are all the center of our own universe no matter how much we try to convince ourselves we're not.

So what is the purpose of this you may ask? I'm not sure myself. It's just something I felt the need to express. That's what writers are supposed to do. It's like that built in on and off switch. Sometimes something just clicks. I suppose to some degree I see both sides of the coin in regards to the holiday season. With all the misery in the world, why bother? Nothing's going to change and certainly a holiday isn't going to make a difference, right? Maybe yes, maybe no. I notice the change in some faces. I notice the change in myself. I have a tendency to laugh a little more. Some things are just funnier now. Maybe it's the lack of ninety degree temperatures and there's actually a cool breeze in the air. Like rain cleansing the soul and washing away the cobwebs, maybe the cold has an opposite effect. Instead of chilling the heart it warms it up. I look into people's eyes. There is brightness there now that wasn't there a couple of weeks ago. A spring in someone's step as they stride down the street, opening the door for someone else, kindness; what a concept. There just may be some hope for us after all in those blinking Christmas lights.

For those that still aren't believers in the magic of the holidays, for those that can't stand the sound of holiday music or seasonal television shows: take heart, it's only about two months out of the year. New Year's is just around the corner. We can all make those resolutions we know we're not going to keep. The tradition still continues. In the meantime, make that phone call you've always wanted to make but didn't have the nerve. Reach out to a friend who just needs to bend your ear for an hour or two. Make the time to enjoy the change of seasons outside, take a walk. And if you're a really brave soul, look for the magic in the Christmas lights. You don't have to follow the religious beliefs the day brings. Just open your heart to the possibility that there is a brighter day out there and maybe it's at the end of the string of twinkling colors; just like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Most of all be kind and grateful for the things and friends you have in your life now. Don't worry so much about the past and be angered by what was or could have been. Be joyous in the knowledge that you are here today and there is a reason for it. Don't forget where you've come from. It's what makes you who you are, good or bad. You can choose to look at things in a different light. Everything that has happened, every twist and turn, every curve ball thrown that you've overcome has been a stepping stone to the being you are today. Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this world. Millions share the same story and struggles you do. Though are circumstances may be different the feelings and emotions are still the same. We are all part of a great good and whole. Each one of us has a gift and a light that surrounds us. It's up to you as individuals how you use and express your talents. Happy Holidays.