Harvey Karp Knows How to Keep Babies and Toddlers Happy

Ask any new parent about their infant's sleep patterns and you're bound to get an earful. Many new parents have found salvation in Dr. Harvey Karp's "Happiest Baby" books and DVDs.

Most neophytes are baffled as to how to comfort their screaming bundles of joy. For millions of parents, Dr. Harvey Karp has been the solution to their family's sleep dilemma. For more than 25 years, Dr. Karp has been studying babies. He has taught thousands of parents, from working moms to superstars like Madonna, Michelle Pfeiffer and Pierce Brosnan, his secrets for making children happy.

Dr. Karp is an Associate Professor of Pediatrics at the UCLA School of Medicine and author of The Happiest Baby on the Block, a perennial bestseller. In this book, Dr. Karp's explains his theories of "The Fourth Trimester," the five "S's" and the cuddle cure.

Dr. Karp has a new book and DVD titled The Happiest Toddler on the Block. In this book, he shares his advice for successfully communicating with toddlers.

I recently caught up with Dr. Karp to find out more about his baby-friendly research.

Dr. Karp, how many babies do you think you've met over your 25-year practice?

About 10,000.

Tell us a bit about the importance of understanding "The Fourth Trimester."

This is the KEY idea for new parents to understand. Babies are not like horses (ready to run the first day of life). They are immature. In many ways, they are still like fetuses. Babies come from an environment where they were constantly massaged by the soft walls of the uterus, fed, and exposed to the whooshing sound of the womb. So even if you hold your baby 18 hours a day (which seems like a lot to us), compared to the hold you were doing when the baby was in the womb, that's a 25 percent cutback!

Okay, I think I understand. Once you get through this period, do things get easier?

Once you understand that the world is too quiet and still for babies, you are ready to learn the next thing: The calming reflex. This is the virtual "off" switch that all babies are born with. Imitating the sensations babies enjoyed in the womb triggers this virtual switch. But like any reflex, you must imitate them exactly right to activate the reflex!
After "The Fourth Trimester," things get more fun: smiles, coos and silly fun (and everyone gets more sleep).

Do you really think any parent can learn to calm a crying baby?

Sure. In other cultures, even a six-year-old sister learns baby-calming techniques.
Parents using The Happiest Baby DVD quickly learn to calm even the most colicky babies in minutes. The DVD can help all babies sleep an extra one to two hours per night.

Have you ever met an infant that was so fussy he/she made you want to cry?

What makes me cry is meeting parents who are going out of their minds because they so want to help their baby but they just don't know how.

What other cultures did you study when coming up with your baby-calming techniques?

Several others, but most importantly the Kung San. These Southern African people have been carefully studied and 95 percent of the time they can calm their babies' cries in less than one minute!

Your latest work, The Happiest Toddler on the Block, has involved studying older children. Why did you decide to take on this new challenge?

As a pediatrician, I would see 20 toddlers a day who didn't want to be with me. They were scared. I made a promise to myself to figure out how to make them happy to see me and ensure that they would have a good experience with doctors.

You call toddlers "little Neanderthals." Can you explain that a bit more?

As every parent knows, toddlers are uncivilized--even primitive--especially the little ones. It is our jobs as parents to "civilize them." They pee anywhere they want, they scratch, they spit when they are unhappy, they have trouble saying please and thank you, and they have real trouble understanding and speaking our language--especially when they are upset! It is no accident that the toddler in the Flintstones was named Bam Bam.

So, you don't advise banishing them to caves?

Well...sometimes to the time-out chair, but never a cave.

Your book talks about speaking in "toddler-ese." Can you give a brief example?

You can translate anything you want to say into your toddler's more basic language in three steps: short phrases, repetition and mirroring a little bit of their feeling in your tone of voice and gestures.
Imagine that your 26-month-old toddler is in the sandbox howling because his friend grabbed his shovel. Describe what happened using a tone of voice that mirrors a bit of your toddler's. With heartfelt empathy say, "You're mad. You're mad. Mad. Mad. Mad!!!!" Then you continue, "Susie...no shovel! Give ME the shovel!! I Want! I Want! I want it Noooow!"

How would you tackle a child who is biting his friends and family?

When your toddler looks like he's about to nip, remind him that you don't like it. Remember the incredible power of your tone and gestures: Clap hard three times, make a rumbling growl, and say in a stern (but not loud) voice: "Hey...Hey! No bite. No bite!"
Tone is everything. If you mildly say, "Mommy doesn't like biting," your message will be like a whisper in a storm. Make your words firm but not angry, like you mean business. Your expression should be stern and serious. Most toddlers will get the message and put their teeth into retreat.
Parents using The Happiest Baby DVD report a decrease of 50-90 percent toddler tantrums within a few weeks.

Other than your books, what would you suggest as an ideal gift for a new parent?

A 43" square swaddling blanket, a good swing, and a massage!

Any last words of wisdom for surviving the first night at home after the baby is born?

Practice swaddling, keep the baby right next to your bed, and play the "Soothing Sounds" CD all night.