Has Anyone Seen My Feet?

As a pregnant woman not a day goes by that I don't think..... "Has anyone seen my feet?"

They say pregnancy is not an illness or a disease so, in theory, we should be able to do the same things we did prior to pregnancy, and I have come to the conclusion a man MUST have come up with this theory.

I tried to bend down and tie my shoe the other day and damn near tipped over and you are telling me I should be able to stand for 6 to 8 hours a day, deal with people and their issues while I have a melon sized alien attempting to kick my uterus out of place, then come home feeling like I have phantom limb syndrome because the feet I haven't seen in three months are throbbing with pain. Yup, a man definitely came up with this bogus theory.

The men and their silly ideas about how pregnancy should be for us never cease to amaze me. Their questions like "I know you're pregnant but can you at least get a pedicure now and then?" I'm starting to believe they ACTUALLY think we care what our toes look like, how cute!

To be honest I could be growing another toe and not notice nor care, and they really think its ok to ask us to waddle to the nail salon filled with the scents of acetone and toes for a nail tech to slap polish on our non-existent toenails.

Our only clue of what our feet look like is when we see the face of the lady doing our nails. A plain face means they must be fairly decent, but our worse fear is when we see the "eww" face. The "eww" face means only one thing that our feet must look like that of a crypt keeper. At that point we want to just bury our feet in our shoes and waddle off as fast as feasible, and if at all physically possible, bury our damaged looking foot so deep into a man's butt that the next time he cracks his mouth to tell us to get a pedicure that the only thing that comes up is a half painted toenail.

So at least at that point we don't have to ask where our feet are....we just remember "oh yeah, it's permanently lodged in his anus."