Has Your Family's Christmas Celebration Become a Greedy, Gift-Grabbing Frenzy?

Christmas morning is the one day of the year that parents have no problem with getting kids out of bed. In fact, it is the kids that have trouble rousing their parents long enough to hear them say the magic words, "Okay, let's open the presents."

Unfortunately, in many households, about 20 minutes after those words are said, the living room looks like a cyclone hit it: paper litters the floor, kids are arguing over who owns what, and whining that there are no more presents to open. More often than not, teen-agers are already complaining they are bored and that there is nothing to do. And, the bleary-eyed parents are still rubbing the sleep out of their eyes.

If that is how your Christmas mornings usually go, maybe it's time for a change.

Set a definite time to open gifts

There is no rule that says gifts must be opened at the crack of dawn. Choose a time, say 9 A.M. If some of the children wake up earlier, a few more minutes will make that final moment even more special. (Think of it as a golden opportunity to teach them patience.)

Make "gift-opening time" a memorable family ritual rather than a frenzy

First of all, if gift opening has turned into something of a frenzy around your house, slow it down a bit. Instead of everyone diving in to see how many presents he or she can rip open in the shortest period of time, why not take turns selecting and opening each gift? Before actually opening a gift, have the recipient announce who it is from and then allow time for everyone to admire it before going on to the next person's turn. Sure, the kids will complain at first - everyone wants to see what they are going to get, but the frenzy-type of gift opening ends in a few minutes and often leaves everyone unsatisfied and thinking, if not actually saying, "Is that all there is?"

Plant "thank-you note" ideas as gifts are opened

Make a comment as each gift is opened about how Aunt Margaret, or Grandpa Bill did such a good job of selecting just the right thing for each particular child. Say things like, "Grandpa Bill must have known you were planning to play baseball this year. And it fits perfectly, doesn't it?, " or, "You'll have to let Aunt Margaret know how much you've been wanting a school sweatshirt. That was so thoughtful of her to send it to you." Such comments will enforce the idea that presents don't just appear out of nowhere. The giver has put time and effort into selecting that special gift, and children need to know that.

Take time to enjoy the gifts

Let the children have a day or two to enjoy their gifts. I once had a friend who bragged that her children had to write thank-you notes before she allowed them to use their gifts. That sounds to me like a pretty sure way to make children not enjoy receiving gifts in the first place. Give them a chance to settle down from all the activities associated with Christmas and an opportunity to actually use the gifts they received and to make the new items a part of their lives.

Make expressing thanks a part of your celebration

We usually think of Thanksgiving as the time to express thanks. Personally, I think expressing thanks should become a way of life for all of us, and writing thank-you notes after receiving a gift is just one way we can teach our children to do that. The following guidelines have worked well for teaching our children that expressing thanks is a natural result of receiving a gift, no matter how large or small that gift may be.

1. Set aside a "thank-you" note day. You can meet as a group or each person can write their notes individually, but the day should be plainly marked on the calendar. Short of an emergency visit to the hospital, or a death in the family, no excuses accepted.

2. Provide cute note paper for the thank-you notes. You can easily design your own on the computer. Perhaps a picture of the child using or wearing the gift in the upper right hand corner, or a picture of the family pet would make the note seem more personal.

3. The youngest children can draw a picture of the gift and color it. If they can copy letters you have printed, they can copy the words, "Thank you for" above the picture and their name at the bottom of the page. They might want to embellish it further with a handprint (made by dipping a tiny hand into poster paint.) For younger children who can write, a simple note to tell Grandpa, Grandma, etc. thank you for the doll, car, or whatever will suffice.

4. Give older children a brief template of things they should include in an acceptable thank-you note. (Suggestions follow).

Dear (put their name or title here)

Thank them for the gift (name what the gift is)

Give one or two things you liked about it

Write a short paragraph about what the family has been doing since Christmas

Write a personal sentence about the person such as, "I hope you are over your cold." (Or something else that fits their life.)

Sign it using something personal with your name like, love Jack, or your grandson, Jack, or I hope to see you soon, love Jack.)

5. When the letters are finished, let each child who is able address and stamp his own envelope and then have a thank-you note celebration. Maybe watching a special movie you've rented, ordering in a pizza, or perhaps a trip to the ice cream parlor for treats, with a side-trip to mail the thank-you notes.

Now your Christmas is complete, and, hopefully, your children have learned the valuable lesson that Christmas is not just about "getting," but also about "love and sharing."