Have You Ever Felt the Stirring?

Have you ever felt a stirring inside of your heart from something or someone bigger than yourself? I have...many times. For me, I attribute that stirring to God. Sometimes what I feel led to do is easy for me. Other times, it is extremely difficult.

Such is the current stirring I feel in my heart. The stirring I feel in my heart from God involves denying myself totally, as well as hurting others that I care about. I know that sounds contradictory to God's will. After all, why would God want anyone to be hurt?

Well, if a drug addict gives up his fix, is he not hurting for awhile? If a bank robber decides to stop robbing banks and get a job making minimum wage, will he and his family not feel they are suffering for awhile?

Change can be painful. Giving up something that you love and/or desire can be painful. Sometimes what we love and desire can send us into a downward spiral of destruction.

The stirring I feel in my heart calls to me the way a cooling stream would call to someone who is walking in the desert. I want it so badly. But to get to it, I must walk barefoot in the scorching sand for quite a distance to get there. Right now, I am just praying for the openess and the willingness to do that. I want it so much, but at the same time I fear it. I fear losing what I am giving up. Will I be able to go on? Will I be able to survive and be happy? Will I be able to live with myself for the hurt I will cause others?

Can I really trust God to take me to a better place? Why is it so hard for me to trust Him? He has brought me through so many difficult places in my life. He has showered me with His unconditional love on a daily basis. Why is it so hard for me to trust Him to deliver me from this dark place I now find myself in?