Have You Given Your Daughter "The Cinderella Syndrome?"

Is your daughter your "Princess?" When you tuck her into bed at night, do you equate her to Cinderella and tell her fairy tales about the handsome, charming prince who will ride in on a big white horse and sweep her away to a distant castle, where he will wed her and worship her until eternity as they become the King and Queen of the faraway land? Did you ever suggest that she will grow up to live in a little white house with a weathered picket fence and will stay at home and raise her two children while her husband goes off to work each morning to support their family? Sure, those stories reflect parents' dreams for their babies, but have you given any thought to the unintentional damage those fairy tales may be doing to your daughter by creating potentially unrealistic expectations?

I speak from a position of authority regarding what I call "The Cinderella Syndrome," which occurs when well-meaning parents set up unrealistic expectations for their daughters. My parents tried to do everything right: They worked hard, taught me right from wrong, imparted strong moral values, and showered my brothers and me with love and all of the material possessions their income could provide. Unfortunately, from my earliest memories, I always knew I was the "Princess." My "loyal subjects" included not just my parents, but also my grandparents who lived across the street and cherished their only granddaughter. All that attention does wonders for a young lady's ego but also sets her up for a rude awakening later in life, when she ceases to be the Princess and becomes just another belle at the ball, looking for a ride home from whatever pumpkin coach happens past.

In reality, that "handsome prince" you seem to be promising is in good company with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny - nary a one of them seems to exist. I do not know one parent who is happy with their daughter's choice of a husband or, for that matter, a boyfriend. No man is good enough for our daughters, and I can speak to that with experience because none of my two husbands or countless boyfriends has measured up to my parent's tough expectations. How I wish they had warned me back then. Do you realize that the fairy tale expectations you imparted when she was young now have your daughter looking at every prospective beau as her Mister Right? Worse, because she knows exactly what kind of man you want for her, based on the childhood pictures you painted as you tucked her in, she will go to great lengths to conceal her love interest's faults in order to convince you that he is "the one" for her, be it boyfriend or husband.

As a young adult, your Princess may begin to search frantically for that husband so as not to let you down. Oftentimes instead of meeting the handsome prince, she actually finds a toad that is painfully hard to dump. He may actually become controlling or abusive and may introduce her to drugs or alcohol. She needs to know the whole story from the beginning. Rather than telling your little girl about life through rose-colored glasses, when she's ready, tell her that marrying a man does not guarantee he will be a good husband. Mention that roughly half of all marriages today end in divorce, which is no picnic. We must teach our daughters that they are OUR princesses, not the world's, and that they should start early trying to find happiness on their own, with or without a Prince Charming. No daughter is required to marry or have a family in order to "be somebody," and she needs to hear that message from YOU. Regularly.

Do your little girl a favor and remember The Cinderella Syndrome the next time you tuck her into bed. Don't forget to mention the trolls and dragons along the forest path that leads to the castle. This time, tell her that she wields a magic rope that lassos the dragon and carries her off into space, where she will visit the moon and study moon rocks through a giant telescope. Empowering your daughter to stand on her own two feet is the best gift you can give to her.

Empowering our daughters to stand on their own two feet is the best gift we can give them.