Have You Lost Yourself to Your Man?

Love is something that most women want to find. The problem is that love is not really something you search for. Love doesn't come in a neat little package. Love rarely comes exactly as you imagine it. Love is full of surprises. As beautiful as love can be, when it finally comes your way, there is one area in which you need to be on guard: losing yourself while you selflessly give to the man you love.

The romantic notion that love means giving, and expecting little in return might sound good. In reality, this concept has led many women to stay in unhappy, abusive, or emotionally distant relationships. A relationship that started out as wonderful becomes empty when the woman is the only giver. The woman loses sight of who she is as a person, and the man becomes disinterested because he grows to take her for granted and comes to find her boring.

Mary and her husband, Tom, got married in 1998. In the beginning, they describe their relationship as being "magical". It was romantic and passionate. They made plans together and shared common goals. When the children came, Mary dived into her role as a wife, and then later as a mother. In doing so, she rarely took any time for herself. Tom was a wonderful father, but something had changed in the way he interacted with Mary. She was no longer the interesting, opinionated person he had fallen in love with. Mary became depressed, and could not figure out why she was feeling so empty. When she decided to go to therapy, she had a wake- up call when the therapist asked her 4 simple questions:

-What do you love to do?

-What is your favorite movie?

-What is your favorite food?

-Where would you like to go on vacation if you could go anywhere in the world?

Mary could not answer any of these basic questions because she had no idea what her favorite anything was. It had been so long since she had done anything simply because she enjoyed it, she had no idea what she liked or wanted to do.

Has your relationship robbed you of self? If in doubt, ask yourself the same questions that Mary did. When you acknowledge the problem, you can then work on a solution. You can get your life back!