Have the Talk: A Parent's Guide to Opening the Lines Communication Before It's Too Late

I heard one of the most disturbing parts of a conversation first thing this morning after a mother called into my office going on a rant over her child being picked up by the police and put in a detention facility. She said to me "He's just a 14-year-old kid and it was something stupid they do. It was nothing serious and they took him from me."

This 14-year-old kid had joined forces with his friend discussing how they would kill their teacher and drew pictures of the impending scene. "Nothing serious..." keeps ringing in my ears and I wonder if the parents of Columbine, Virginia Tech and other infamous school shooters said the same thing when their own children forewarned of their future actions.

I like to think that, with all the news coverage of these events as well as the preparation we have gone through to prevent these attacks, parents have taken a hold of their children's actions and are seeking guidance and the ability to foretell signs. If a child drawing a picture of killing their teacher isn't indication enough, is it denial, stupidity, or just a misunderstanding of what today's children are truly going through?

Not yet being a mother, I imagine it is hard for me to relate to raising a teen in today's screwy society. However, there are enough education programs and indicators to tell us when something is terribly wrong with our children. I am led to assume that as much as parents like to think they are in control, they are subtly in denial over their children's actions and thoughts. This is not an article to blame parents for not seeing signs that may not be there, but have you taken the time to discuss anything with your children for more than five minutes besides what their day was like or getting into an argument.

It has been said time and again, do you know who your children's friends are? Do you know where your kids are? I feel like I am a record that is stuck on replay, but apparently these issues have still not been addressed enough.

As parents, you grill into your children education, learning, knowledge is power, stay in school. All the clichés we have heard since grade school do not end when we get our high school diploma. As parents, some of you have forgotten to hold onto general knowledge, common sense and a general interest to be involved in every facet of your children's' lives.

This common sense of parenting comes easier to some, but I still believe that as parents, being afraid to ask the questions you may not want to know the answers to, is the biggest fault. There are many things I never would have admitted to my parents in high school, but looking back now, if I felt I could have talked to them about those things I would have saved myself much heartache and anxiety. I have no doubt your children feel the same way.

A site I have come across on several websites is http://www.havethetalkamerica.com. This site approaches lists many tough subjects and gives us a clue on how to navigate through the conversation in an approachable way. Sometimes it is just knowing how to ask and opening your mouth before you can stop yourself to ask.

Whatever advice you can glean from other parents, websites, friends, family, whomever supports you, take it and make a melting pot of open conversation between you and your children. They need to know they can go to someone, if not you, to talk about issues they face, that we never dreamed of being dealt. Many of today's topics are far beyond what we can imagine or face in our daily lives, but with children, it is something they are facing daily.

Turn your thoughts of the issue being "nothing serious" into "this could be something". I do not want you to take it to extreme of distrust and paranoia, but please step out of your comfort boundary and approach it before it happens. An open outlet for conversation and communication is the best tool we have to fight against violence and injustice. You, as the parent, hold the key to opening up that line of communication for your children. Unlock it now and secure their futures.