Having Fun with Telemarketers

I know they need to work, just like the rest of us however it is always fun to poke fun at them. Some people love to pick right back at them but most of us just hang up on them and I am sad to say I am one that screens my calls to avoid them.

Granted they have families to support and bills to pay like the rest of us, but I am betting most are paid for time spent talking and names and addresses they collect at a minimum. I used to work a psychic line and I was paid for time spent on the phone and names collected and that is why I assume telemarketers also are paid like that. Therefore, it really is in their best interest if you give them a fake name, fake address and keep them on line for as long as you can.

I am currently dating a smart aleck Australian man who loves to give it right back to the telemarketers. I have over heard some of these calls and I find it very hard not to laugh during the calls. However because he has that Aussie accent he is able to pull of pranks like no one I have ever heard.

It is with him in mind that I write this article up; he is my inspiration in many ways within my life.

Fake names!

Never give your real name to a telemarketer! One of Aussie Man's favorite names to give is Bluey Zarzoff. Say it a few times to see the humor in it, and let me tell you it works perfectly if you or the telemarketer has a thick accent.

It is funny when the telemarketer calls back asking for bluey (which they think is Lewy at times). A Telemarketer called for Bluey during an 'nap' and Aussie man answers the phone and I hear him say no Bluey can't come to the phone he is busy. The telemarketer says its very important that he speak to Bluey right now, and Aussie Man says I am sorry his girlfriend is in there and I will not knock on the door as bluey would yell at me. It was just too funny! I was sitting there listening to both sides of the phone call trying very hard not to laugh.

Aussie man is prepared next time they call for bluey; he went online and got a recording of a woman moaning! Imagine the telemarketer then. Hey, it is all in good fun.

If you give them a famous person's name add a middle initial in there to throw them off such as George K Bush, Hillary Lewinski (Monica's sister), Billy Bob Clinton, I am sure you can think of several more if you just use your brain. It is fun and will brighten your day.

Keep them talking!

Let them think you are very interested in their service no matter if you are or not. This will make them think twice about calling you again yet they will earn money for talking to you so it is a good thing. Let them go through their entire story and when they ask for a credit card, ask them what their card number is. That will throw them off guard. Tell them you do not have one but if they allow you to use their card; they will get the commission and bonus if their boss is giving one out.

Aussie man loves to keep them online for as long as possible, and one time one of them called and told him he was pre-qualified for a free vacation. He listened to the whole story and asked many questions which the woman answered with all the enthusiasm she could gather. He kept her talking for about 10 minutes and she asked for a credit card number, as he had to pay the taxes on the vacation. He said he did not have one, so she asked for a bank account number and again his answer was he did not have one.

He asked her to put her credit card number in there and he would send her a money order and asked for her home address. She said that was against policy to give out her home address or credit card number. He said oh you are promising this stuff to me and when you find out I don't have a credit card you take it back and continued with what do you do to your kids at Christmas time, do you give them presents and take them back when they don't have a credit card? With that, she hung up on him, after he kept her on the phone for a good 15 minutes. She earned her money that day for sure!

Fake addresses.

You never give them your real address either, because if you do they can and will send you lots of junk mail. That sucks unless you like lots of mail coming but then you risk breaking your mail carrier's back.

Look around your local area what place needs more mail? Do not pick your elderly neighbors; instead choose a school or your police department's address. Imagine your local cops getting mail for Sum Ting Wong or Bluey Zarzoff. I have a friend who is a police officer and I know she would laugh at something like that. Alternatively, at election time give a democrat's name with the initial to throw it off and send it to a republican office. The trick here is to make it funny. Granted you will not see the laugh on the person who checks in the mail in those places you choose to send mail to but you have the pleasure of telling the story to anyone who will listen.

Aussie man loves to send mail to the local Chinese buffet, but I think the humor in old bluey getting mail there will be lost on people who can barely speak English. My own kids often send mail to Mojo (our cat) or Brandy (our dog), the humor is lost on those who do not know Mojo or Brandy, but the teens love to see the dog get samples of rubbers.

My friend Mary is full of laughter, loves to prank the telemarketers as well, often tells them to hang on for a minute, sets the phone down, and walks away. If the marketer remains on the phone until she returns 10 minutes or so later, she will tell them she forgot about them or simply hang up on them.

My uncle Neil used to get so tired of them calling while his family was eating supper that he would bring the phone to the table and lay it down so the telemarketer would have to listen to the family time they were trying to interrupt.

Me, on the other hand have caller ID so I screen all the calls, and if I do not recognize the number, I let the machine get it. I dislike talking to telemarketers with a passion, as I do not have idle time to waste like that.

If you are one of the millions of Americans, who want to have fun with a telemarketer you may want to try one of the following.

1.) Disguise your voice.

2.) Adopt a different accent every few minutes into the call.

3.) Cry poverty

4.) Pretend to talk or yell to your self

5.) Pretend you are having sex, set your computer to run a moaning clip continuously.

6.) Play 20 questions with them. Answer their questions with one of your own.

7.) Pretend not to hear them and ask often if they can repeat themselves or speak up.

8.) If they ask for you tell them to hang on and go take a potty break or grab a cup of coffee.

I am sure you can think of many more if you put some thought into it.

I do realize that telemarketers are just doing their job, and within every call, they take a chance. I bet they are hung up or yelled at on 9 out of 10 calls. It is the other 1 out of 10 calls they have fun or at least a laugh. Perhaps they do sell their service to a few people, but mostly they are yelled at or hung up on.

Therefore, it is your American duty to help them earn a paycheck and keep them on the line for as long as you can. Be pleasant and remember those manners your momma raised you with and give them a fake name, and refer your cousin Bluey Zarzoff who lives down the street.