Having a Mental Illness

Having a mental illness is something many people may not know the meaning of. Early on in my life I was diagnosis with ADHD. When I hit puberty a whole new type of symptoms had begun to take effect. I was then given a new diagnosis of bi-polar disorder. This was after only a few years of learning that my mother was diagnosed with the same disease. In the next five years, I was being experimentally prescribed combinations of medicines. I went for almost ten years without being medicated for the problems I had had with different ones. Over 9 million Americans are also diagnosis with various mental illnesses. Surprisingly almost half of those who have bi-polar disorder are taking needed medication for their treatment.

Bi-polar or manic depression is a double sided disease that causes two major states of existence in those who have it. Jimmie Hendrix's explained this well in his song. The first is the mania, and the second is depression. Highs and lows of this category are so great that it takes control over the person. Hours, days and even weeks when either states causes an unplanned result to occur are known as episodes. This can be moments of not having control growing into more moments of losing of control. It took time for me to learn that what I was living was apart of my disease.

At certain times I feel depressed, like I am not going to get out of bed all day. I may suddenly start to disbelieve in my current conditions or have an on-set of low self-esteem. During mania it may become difficult to get any sleep at all. Periods of rapid thought become mixed up unstable desires to make changes. Being overly creative and filled with euphoria is an onset of mania. I sometimes live an emotional roller coaster. Anxiety also plays apart of deciding major life responsibilities for me. Getting help to conquer over these problems is as easy as those TV commercials show it to be.

Being able to have a psychiatrist's care and taking a medication are two important steps to having control back. Just recently I found a doctor in Texas that has been successfully treating me. The first medication I took at age 12, Lithium, is a common one which did not work for me. Instead I thought this was the only drug I could take and quickly discouraged not wanted to take that one again. In the ten years when I did not medication I felt I lived in a small hole so that no one else would ask me what was wrong with me.

At times I have wandered into illegal drugs, trying to achieve the feeling that I belonged with something other than my legal medication. Self medicating, as it is known to be described, is dangerous and obviously illegal. There were times when I refused to believe I had the disease any longer as I blamed my family and my mother for not liking me because I had the diagnosis. Now I know that what experienced as an episode during times when I was intoxicated were due to not getting the help that I needed. I know additionally that I cannot abuse illegal drugs of any kind now.