Hazings, Bullyings and How Our Family Took Action Against Harassment

A Florida A & M drum major died from a probable hazing, says ESPN. 26-year-old Robert Champion was found dead on his team's school bus on Nov. 19. In Massachusetts, two Andover High School students were allegedly hazed at Hoop Mountain Basketball Camp, the Eagle Tribune reports. Several high school students forced two younger teammates to eat an Oreo cookie covered in bodily fluid.

Our bullying experience

In 1995, our oldest three children experienced neighborhood bullying. Our yard was not entirely fenced and some teenagers entered, while I was inside preparing dinner. The teens pushed our children and tried to choke our younger son with his scarf. My kids came in the house and reported the incident to me.

How a parent handles it can make all the difference

First, I made sure my kids knew that I believed them and would deal with it. This is critical. If parents downplay bullying or overlook it, the child learns to ignore his own need for help. He tends not to report incidents.

Police involvement

I contacted the police to file a complaint. 15 years ago, police had less involvement with neighborhood bullying, but I wanted them to at least have report of the incident on file. The officer noted that because none of my children had any outward injuries, it couldn't be filed as assault. He added that though these teens had been in trouble before, they had never hurt anyone. I reminded him that the teens were trespassing in our yard. Because we lived in a mobile home, he said, it wasn't technically our yard. We were in a double bind, too: a mobile home park is private property, so the police have less authority over resident behavior.

Proactive vs. reactive

The officer noted the incident and said we should call if we had any more trouble. Even though I was feeling anything but satisfied, I stayed calm. I informed the officer that my husband and I would be confronting the parents. I assured him that it would not be combative. His official response was to deter me, but he said he understood our position.

Parent united front

I talked with my husband when he came home from work. He agreed that we needed to contact the parents together. We agreed, too, that it was essential not to display anger, but show that we meant business. This, I think, was crucial to getting a favorable resolution. When parents present a united front, there is exponentially more power than one parent acting alone. Also, two parents can check and balance each other in case one gets very angry. They can also back each other up and protect each other if the parents of the bully get confrontational. We didn't have a cellphone then, but I highly recommend bringing one and recording the conversation in case evidence is needed.

Confronting bullies and their parents

Because they were much younger than the bullies, our children were afraid to see the teens again. Had they been the same age, we probably would have brought the kids along. Our children children only knew one of the teens, so we went first to the home of the one they could identify. We asked to talk to the teen in front of his parents. We reported what had happened and that we had notified the police. We said we wouldn't press charges, but if the boy came into our yard or anywhere near our kids again, we would. We also asked for the names of the other kids so we could talk to their parents. In all three cases, the discussion ended amicably and we didn't have any problems with the kids again.

Anti-hazing laws and resources

Since our experience, Michigan and other states have enacted school anti-bullying legislation. All but six states have anti-hazing laws. Neighborhood bullying is a little less clear, but there are anonymous tip hotlines for parents to report any such incidents.