He Had Not Been Expecting a Letter

He had not been expecting a letter. Not from his brother. Jerry had written him off decades ago.

Siv was the second in the Booysen family. He had almost always been happy being a second child. Jerry was a wonderful sibling. Whenever their dad, an alcoholic-in-denial, had had allowed the liquor to get the better of him in the bad old days, Jerry would be the one to assert some authority in the home. Siv and Jerry had two sisters, both younger than their brothers. Filial piety influenced the brothers to keep their interests in their hearts, as their parents had inculcated. And for a while this was how things were .... Until the 'eighties.

Siv recalled that his older brother had taught him to drive a stick shift, the first car the family owned. When Siv graduated from college and took a job several hundred miles away, Jerry gave Siv this car, a much-appreciated hand-me-down.

Then a fateful new decade began in the nineteen-eighties. Jerry turned 21. He decided that he would marry a total stranger. For this and other reasons the Booysens did not approve. While not rejecting the proposal outright, Siv's parents dragged their feet enough that Jerry decided to move out of the family home. For Siv, this marked a major crisis for his loyalties and his values. Among these was that only would-be husbands and wives ought to live together. Siv was willing to accomodate dating more liberally, provided there was no sexual intercourse. More troubling in 1980 for this young idealist was the pressure his parents placed upon him to side with them instead of his brother of two decades, and his friend for almost as long. When the showdown came, Siv tried to be even-handed. He explained that the parents wished their daughters to marry first, and the older of them was about to marry within the year!

"Why not wait a year, Jerry," begged Siv. Unfortunately more human beings than former President George W. Bush perceive the world in black and white terms: if you are not with me you must be against me. That is what Jerry accused his younger male sibling of doing - betraying him. It was amazing that a brother could use the paternal and paternalistic language when used by other than one's father, feels like a violation.

"You bite my hand that fed you?" demanded Jerry of Siv. "I found the woman of my dreams and instead of backing me up against our far from perfect parents, you imply they rather than I am worthy of your loyalty." He predicted that such loyalty and dedication to family values would not hold when Siv would wish to marry some day. (When Siv did marry, his wife and Jerry's never became close. They talked only a few times before all communication ceased).

In 1983, Jerry married his newfound, and new-to-the-community, sweetheart with the blessings only of her family. Jerry returned home weeks later to get his belongings. It was an amazing experience to witness the sister-in-law pick items of furniture that were bought almost a decade before, with "This is Jerry's; it is going in our truck." She said the same for potted plants, and the car that Jerry had given his brother (the necessary paperwork was not processed for legal tranfer of title). Whatever faults his parents may have had, Siv did see then and almost always, that they preferred not to bicker over minor material things. Within this context, Jerry and his wife proceeded to clean up the Booysen family home, including Siv's business and investment accounts. The brothers had had joint ventures, and Siv traveled abroad frequently. When urgent mail arrived, the Booysens would ask Jerry to attend to matters. He did.

Matters came to a head when Siv was unable to access one of his accounts. He called and called. His brother was always "not home." Finally, Siv wrote to Jerry, adressing his concerns in a diplomatic vein. All that he got in response from Jerry was the following email: "Sue me!"

After decades, then, this single letter arrived from Jerry. Silence broken. Decades of silence. Siv had prayed to love and forgive everyone ... and his brother. The hurtful words and his sister-in-law's covetousness were too painful. What caused Siv to turn ashen, almost paralyzed in gaunt and palpable pain? It was but a brief letter. But it was enough.

"In my heart, and despite the facts of separate births, you were always my twin. I have never prospered these many years. Especially in health. Please let me see you once more. I am dying ... please forgive me."