He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Okay ladies, you've all been in this situation at one time or another. And if for some reason you haven't, consider yourself lucky to have been spared the hours of agony and self-obsessing brought on by it. What I'm talking about is when you have feelings for a guy and he doesn't reciprocate, or at least not as much as you'd like him to. This can be an incredibly painful experience for young women, and can definitely damage one's self esteem, even if just for a temporary amount of time.

Perhaps a guy asked you out on a date, and you ended up really liking him. However, he just wasn't that into you, and you have no idea why. You looked great, put your best personality forward, laughed at all his lame jokes, and so you're thinking you had a pretty great date, but you never hear from the guy again! What a blow to the self-esteem!

Or another scenario: there's this guy you're really into, and he's kind of into you, in the sense that he'll hang out with you every so often and participate in a casual makeout session but he won't call you regularly or treat you with the attention that you really want from him. Yet, some girls feel that some attention (no matter what form it comes in) is better than no attention at all, and will take whatever they can get from a guy. Even if it means being his 2 am booty call, his Plan B, whatever you call it, some girls try to use the excuse, "But it shows he was thinking of me!" I'm sorry girls, but you're wrong. His first choice was unavailable, and you came to mind because you were easy access for him.

Some girls figure they should be the ones taking charge. They make the phone calls, initiate the dates, they even drive to the guy's house. That's another mistake. A guy, if he really wants a girl, will put in the effort because she's, well, worth it. However, he won't do that for a girl he views as disposable. And every time that you ladies drive yourself over to that guy's house to see him, you're thinking it's a great bonding experience and way to show him how fabulous you really are, when all he's thinking is, "Wow, she came here fast because I called her. No challenge." He won't respect you any more, and chances are he'll tire of you at some point.

I have friends who have gone to extremes to attempt to win over a guy. One girlfriend of mine dyed her hair three times because she heard he liked brunettes, then when she found out the last girlfriend he had was a blonde, she thought she'd dye her hair that color. Another girlfriend paid for multiple trips to the tanning salon, bought new outfits, and switched to a more expensive quality of makeup in hopes of impressing a certain guy. And a third girl I know even changed the style of music she listened to, simply because it was the type of music the guy she liked listened to! In all honesty, they all were doing the complete opposite of what they should have been doing, which would have been moving on in their lives. But, they wanted to try to make something happen that just wasn't supposed to.

Using superficial motives and tactics to win over a guy will not keep him long. You may get his attention for a brief while, but you'll have to fight to hold it, and that's not how a relationship with a guy should be. Don't you want to be with a guy who truly sees you for all that you are and considers himself lucky to be with you? I certainly feel that way.

I've been on dates with some drop dead gorgeous guys who would have made the perfect trophy boyfriends to brag to all my friends about. In fact, I recently went on a date with a Paul Walker look-alike, and I put in a lot of effort to look my best and act myself on the date. And I could tell he found me attractive, but the mental chemistry was simply lacking. Even after a passionate kiss good night, my intuition was telling me that it wasn't going to work out and to move on. Don't get me wrong, I was thoroughly bummed out for a few days, and kept thinking about what could have been, but then I just woke up one morning and thought to myself, "This is ridiculous. There are plenty of other guys out there who would love to have me, so why am I stressing over one guy?" And I just stopped. And I haven't looked back since.

On another note, no girl should ever be forced to sacrifice her dignity for a guy's sake. If you're starting to think that maybe you'll impress a guy with your kinky bedroom skills, stop right there. You're heading down the wrong path. You're steering yourself away from "girlfriend/dating material" and placing yourself under the "hook-up/booty call" category. Remember, guys always want what they can't have, or what is out of their reach. By making them the offer before they even ask, you're just placing yourself at the losing end. A woman's sex is one of her most powerful tools, and should be used very carefully. In the end, who is usually the one who gets hurt anyway? The woman.

Real love comes when you least expect it. You shouldn't have to try so hard, or invest your hard earned money to make a person want you. They should just want you already, or will want you after getting to know the real you. And if they don't, screw them. You can't be bothered. You're not going to allow yourself to be a mental slave to anybody, you're too good for that. You deserve the best, and only the best deserves you.