Health Care Update: U.S. Seniors Supported by Socialist Security

Every time I hear reports of the Healthcare Bookies' (aka insurance companies) puppets spreading panic by yelling "socialism" in crowded theaters, I wonder how far up their asses they keep their heads. Especially those older ventriloquist dummies who are obviously collecting Social Security checks every month and are therefore also receiving Medicare benefits. The irony of their appearances is positively jaw dropping: they arrive at the meetings on their motor scooters, paid for by Medicare. They glare at the speaker with cataract-free eyes, paid for Medicare. They spit their lunatic imprecations through dentures paid for by Medicare. And they yell, "Get out of my yard!" at the passersby whose taxes support the Social Security checks that pay the mortgage on that yard.

Who the hell do they think is sending those checks and paying those medical bills...the arthritis fairy? Those checks are signed by the Secretary of the Treasury, people. The United States Government is picking up your tab, whether you want to believe it or not. Furthermore, this benevolence is just part of the government's insidious plan to...hang on, now...share the wealth! They're taking the taxes that we all pay and using those funds to take care of our elderly citizens and a small percentage of your other needy neighbors.

And that's not all. They're also giving your money to the guys who build the roads and bridges that you drive on, pay the firefighters and police forces that protect you, support the mailmen who deliver your Hallmark cards, and take care of the armed forces who fight your battles. Your money is supporting people you never met!! Doesn't that just burn your wrinkled old hides?

And, much as I hate to extinguish the fire of your indignation, this is the way our government wants to help us all receive the health care we need. The plan is simply to use our taxes to help each other. No death panels. No rationing. No grandmas on ice floes. They're simply offering to pay our medical bills. The bastards!

Moreover, if you think those taxes are going to drive you into poverty, you need to check your math. No plan will expect you to contribute more than you can afford, or cause you any financial hardship. Maybe a few billionaires will have to think twice about buying that third private jet, but in the main, our lifestyles will continue on their accustomed paths, with nary a ripple in our wallets. In fact, those of you who are currently lining the pockets of the bookies and big Pharma will be saving money by placing lower bets and getting reasonable prices for your medications.

Of course, if you like giving those enormous premiums to bookies who are betting against you and will do their damnedest to welsh on their bets, go ahead and keep paying them! Wait till they refuse to cover that hip replacement because of a pre-existing wrist fracture (since everybody knows the wrist bone's connected to the hip bone...thank you, Stephen Colbert) and place even bigger bets with them. Those of us who are secure in our social system won't stop you from cutting your own throats. Assuming, that is, you can reach them from that position.