Hearing Impaired: Caught Between the Deaf and Hearing Communities

I began losing my hearing when I was in my late twenties. I really didn't notice it that much but others did. They would say I was talking loudly or complain that I didn't answer them if they asked me something and my back was turned. It didn't interfere with my life though. It was just something I adjusted to and became aware of.

In my late thirties my hearing loss became a real challenge for me. I could no longer hear the tv at a normal level. Conversations were almost impossible if there was more than one person in the room. When people would talk to me I would say things that didn't make sense in response to what I thought they had said. I would misunderstand things my kids were saying and accuse them of having an attitude. I didn't want to admit that at 36 years old I needed hearing aids. Hearing aids were for old people, not for me. I finally acknowledged that I had a problem and if hearing aids could help then I would get them.

Most people don't understand how difficult it is to be hearing impaired. If you have bad eyesight you get glasses. People can see that you have bad eyesight. If you If you have another type of handicap, it is usually visable to people and they make allowances for that. When you are hearing impaired, people just don't get it. No matter how often you tell them that they need to speak up, or that they need to face you when they talk to you so you can read their lips, they forget and go back to mumbling or turn and look somewhere else while they are speaking to you. Then they get aggravated when you ask them to repeat themselves. Or they yell, and it sounds like they are angry about having to speak up.

When I got my hearing aids it was like I had entered a different world. Suddenly I was hearing myself chew. No joke. I could hear myself chewing. I could hear the clinking (what sounded more like clanging) of silverware in a resturant. At first, I thought it would drive me crazy, hearing all these noises. I remember being at a friend's house one night when her husband came in and I asked her if he had always made so much noise when he walked because of all the keys he had attached to his belt. The rain on the windshield of my car made it difficult for me to hear a conversation going on in the car. Gradually my brain began to adjust and filter out the everyday noises that most people don't even notice. It was still difficult to talk on the phone because I would get feedback from my hearing aid but I learned how to deal with that.

A few years ago, though, I had a virus that permanently damaged my hearing in a way that hearing aids were unable to help. It started with me being ill and running a high fever for a couple of days. I really didn't think much about it but a month later I noticed a noise that sounded like someone was knocking on the door. I kept saying "come in" but when I got up to look there was no one there. I would be sitting in my room reading and I would hear this knocking. This went on for a few weeks and then I began to notice that when the knocking would take place I would also find myself feeling dizzy. I went to the doctor and after a battery of tests I was diagnosed with recurring viral labrynthtitis. The doctor compared it to a herpes virus that would be triggered by things like stress. And the great news was that there was absolutely nothing they could do. Each time the virus occured I would lose a little more of my hearing.

Unlike a person who is raised in the deaf community, I had no knowledge of American Sign Language (ASL), so I couldn't communicate in that way. I didn't fit in there. I found myself avoiding people and activities because I could no longer hear clearly what was being said or what was going on. Friends whose company I had always enjoyed became strangers because I didn't want to constantly remind them to speak up or ask them to repeat themselves. I was between the deaf community and the hearing community. I still am.

I began to try to learn ASL but due to challenges in my family, with aging, ill parents, I have had to focus on being a caregiver and not had time to learn a new language. I rarely talk on the phone and only to people who know me well and know my situation. I won't go to the doctor by myself for fear of not understanding what is being said. I really don't go anywhere without my husband or one of my kids to hear for me and communicate with me about what is said. I have pretty much isolated myself because it's just to hard to deal with other people, even those who know I am hearing impaired.

I do have a few suggestions for those who are dealing with someone who is hearing impaired. First of all, you don't need to yell. Just make sure you are looking directly at the person you are speaking to, and speak slowly and distinctly. Don't mumble. Never put your hand over your mouth, or speak with something (a straw, a pen, etc.) near your mouth. Many people who are hard of hearing rely on reading lips and if your mouth is covered or obstructed in any way, that makes lip reading very difficult. Don't get aggravated if you are asked to repeat something. The hearing impaired person feels bad enough that they don't understand you. Your aggravation will do nothing more than cause them to withdraw.

I know there are others out there like me who feel isolated and alone because of a hearing impairment that came along later in life. I hope just reading someone elses story assures you that you are not alone.