Hearing with My Love Filter

Today I am expanding a bit on what my friend shared with me yesterday about men and women and marriage. I don't know if the idea is original, if she heard it at church or if she read it somewhere; but it made such an impact on me and really allowed me to change my thinking and alter my views a bit.

Basically what she said was that part of the reason men and women have so much turmoil and conflict in their relationships is because women hear everything with a love filter and men hear everything with a respect filter.

Whatever our husbands say or do; we, as women, equate it with him either loving us or not loving us. If he loved us he would buy us those roses or watch that sappy movie. Because we think certain things show love, we expect that he will do those things for us.

Men are taking in whatever we say and do with a filter of respect. Whatever we say or do tells them whether or not we respect them. They don't question whether or not we love them. They take that for granted that we do. They have the confidence in it to just know it is a fact.

Women are constantly questioning, does he love me? So, because men assume we love them; they also assume that we just know they love us. So they are doing what they do, not realizing that it is out of synch with what we are thinking or expecting and vice versa.

We do things for our husbands that we might expect for ourselves and they take it wrong, because they are wired differently. If you present your husband with a book on marital relationships they may think you don't feel they are a good enough husband. The same husband could present the same book to his wife and she would be emotionally touched that he wanted to work on strengthening their bond.

Husbands are to love their wives and wives are to respect their husbands according to scripture. What it doesn't tell you is that because we are thinking and viewing things through different filters, we won't always see it as such.

One of my greatest a-ha moments in my marriage came when my husband and I were in a great conversation about how much he works. I, seeing things through my love filter, said I felt like if he loved being around me and the family that he would work less hours and be home more with us. He replied that it is because he loves us that he works so much to provide a life and lifestyle that we deserve.

Men and women haven't changed much; we still need the same guidance the Bible provides on marriage because our natures are still the same as ever. Women want love and men want respect. Knowing that, we can begin to look at things from a different angle.

"To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband."
Ephesians 5:33

Resources
Day 96 - Today I Heard From God; And Answered