Heart-Shaped for the Holidays

Young loves come together for the holidays. Many of these relationships fail to survive beyond Valentine's Day. The heart sours, disloyalty creeps in; the tragedy of another break-up is as pervasive as bus exhaust in the city.

I witnessed a young couple, teenagers, cavorting across the street from the local high school, awaiting a mutual friend outside the painted window of a candy store. On this chilly December morning the boy and girl hopped and huddled as their bare morning smiles beamed. My bus stopped at the red light; I looked up just in time to see the boy instinctively and clumsily kiss the girl on the cheek and just as quickly return, shyly, to his shuffling and smiling.

The sight of the youthful and amorous display thrust me into reverie. I thought of my long-lost love from middle school, Jenny. This girl reminded me of her: a pretty sprite, a lovely flower with long, dark brown hair, dark fawn eyes ... a sweet, sweet smile.

We had it all, Jenny and me. I wonder how she is.

Seems absurd to think about it, but at that time Jenny ended up dumping me for an older guy -- all of two years older! Think of that: an "older" guy.

I lay with Jenny in the springtime dew long after midnight not in the least concerned with my blatant disregard of curfew and subsequent punishment; I held her tight in my embrace, my nubile vision of splendor, under the bright stars for hours in the May moonlight. She smelled like a dream; I kept Jenny safe and warm.

She asked me not to leave -- not on this night -- not ever. I had no qualms. I vowed to stay by her side 'til the end of time.

I am still mesmerized; I can still feel her in my arms. Even now, I fondly recall the soft, dewy kisses of my beautiful flower, Jenny.

And looking upon this young boy and girl, I am in awe of the amorous heart, even with all my history, all my experience; the repetitive, crushing sadness of life when the heart breaks and bleeds itself empty, and love dissipates ... evaporates.

And we are all powerless to how love shapes us; how excitedly our hearts beat; how painful life becomes when our hearts have been broken. Until our capacity for remembering leaves us once and for all.

Love ... I think it's all I really ever wanted.