Heavy: A Love Poem

Even though you're absent,
I am thinking about you,
making hearts,
writing your name over and over.
It's only because I miss you.
I never imagined being without you.

And I am settled and stable
considering what I believe:
That you are the angel that kissed me,
revived me.

Your the song
that broke me,
had me pouring out my insides
while you helped me sort through my fractured and
disorganized thoughts.

While I slept at night,
you were there
arms wrapped around me.

And this empty seat cushion beside me
does things to my heart that I cannot explain.
Break me again, love.
Break me again and help me to mend again,
you angel.
I miss your kisses.

My eyes are fixed on this empty cushion,
my hands curious and confused by the chill
on the other half of this bed.
I just want to tell you,
I only want to tell the world
how we were.
Powerful.
Sure.
Strong.
I miss you.

I place a kiss on both my hands
just the way you would kiss me before turning out the lights.
Only I leave the light on.
I press my own lips to the backs of my hands,
falling asleep that way,
praying they'll be your lips on my hands by morning.

My hands are heavy.
My head is heavy.
My eyelids, my lips, my soul-all heavy.
I carry on in the night like it was daytime
afraid of my dreaming thoughts,
that they will remind me why I've died some
and why I cry so much.

Since you're in the sky,
I think you just wanted to be closer to God.
Well, I want to go there too,
touch the clouds,
dance in the atmosphere,
be closer to both God and you.